Most viewed jokes

What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a Wagnerian Tenor?
→ About 10 pounds.

Why shouldn't violists take up mountaineering?
→ Because if they get lost, it takes ages before anyone notices that they're missing.

What do you call a fight between film actors?
→ Star wars!

- Boy: Did you know you can get fur from a three headed mountain monster?

- Girl: Really? What kind of fur?

- Boy: As fur away as possible!

There were three American pilots captured by Germans in WWII. The Germans thought up a way to make the pilots crack and tell what they knew. They made them stand at attention, turn their heads from side to side and say:

- Tick - Tock over and over.

After about three hours, the first pilot cracked and started telling all he knew, signing everything they put in front of him.

An hour later, the second pilot cracked and started confessing to things that he didn't even do.

The third pilot was fighting hard not to crack. He was about half-way cracked. He was turning his head to one side only and saying:

- Tick... Tick... Tick...

The German officer in charge went up to him and said:

- You thinks you iss so schmart! But I'm telling you dot vee haf vays to make you TOCK!

The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work:

- I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two.

Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes.

He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said:

- I'm glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Carrie

- Carrie who?

- Carrie me home, I'm tired!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Benin

- Benin who?

- Benin hell!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Aries

- Aries who?

- Aries a reason why I talk this way!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Anya

- Anya who?

- Anya best behavior!