Most viewed jokes

How does a blonde prepare for safe sex?
→ She puts on rubber based lipstick.

Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says:

- You know, I could throw a $100.00 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy.

Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says:

- Well, I could throw ten $10.00 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy.

Hillary tosses her perfectly hair-sprayed hair and says:

- I could throw one hundred $1.00 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy.

Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says:

- I could throw all three of you out the window and make the whole country happy.

I've Been Bitten! by A. Flea

Did you hear about the blonde that got pregnant for the second time?
→ She asked her husband if they needed to get married again.

One day 3 women went to the top of a water flume in a swimming pool. There was a black haired, brown haired, and a blonde haired woman.

When they got to the top a genie appeared from nowhere and said:

- when your going down the flume shout out the on thing that you want and you will land in it at the bottom.

So the black haired woman went down and shouted:

- money

and landed in a load of cash, the brown haired woman went down and shouted:

- gorgous men!

and landed in a pile of men.

The blonde woman wasnt listening to the genie so she went down shouting weeeeeee.

Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
→ That's where you wash all your vegetables!

Why don't blondes like buttered toast?
→ They can't figure out which side the butter goes on.

Always give 100% at work.......

- 12% on Monday

- 23% on Tuesday

- 40% on Wednesday

- 20% on Thursday

- 5% on Fridays

And remember .......

When you're having a really bad day and it seems like people are trying to piss you off, remember it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend your finger and flip them off.

Now get back to work!

The U.S. Treasury has just announced that it will sell three new types of bonds:

1. The Al Gore bond, which has no interest.
2. The Monica Lewinsky bond, which has no maturity. And...
3. The Bill Clinton Bond, which has no principal.

A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection.

The doctor says to the woman:

- I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle.

- Do you think it will work? - she asks the doctor.

- It's worth a try - he says.

So the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. After the operation he goes in to the priest and says:

- Father, you're not going to believe this.

- What? - says the priest.

- What happened?

- You gave birth to a child.

- But that's impossible!

- I just did the operation - insists the doctor.

- It's a miracle! Here's your baby.

About fifteen years go by, and the priest realizes that he must tell his son the truth. One day he sits the boy down and says:

- Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father.

The son says:

- What do you mean, you're not my father?

The priest replies:

- I'm your mother. The archbishop is your father.