Most viewed jokes

A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three:

- People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems.

The others agreed.

Then one said:

- Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some time right now to hear each other out?

The other three agreed.

The first then confessed:

- I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients.

The second psychiatrist said:

- I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want.

The third followed with:

- I'm involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me.

The fourth psychiatrist then confessed:

- I know I'm not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can't keep a secret...

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells:

- PIG!

The man immediately leans out his window and replies:

- Stupid!

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner he slams into a pig in the middle of the road.

How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
→ Both of them.

What's a man idea of helping with the housework?
→ Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

There were 11 people hanging on to a single rope that suspended them from a helicopter trying to bring them to safety. Ten were men; one was a woman.

They all decided that one person would have to let go because if they didn't, the rope would break and all of them would die.

No one could decide who it should be. Finally the woman gave a really touching speech, saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving things up for their husbands and children and giving in to men.

All of the men started clapping.

What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
→ Fang mail.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Che

- Che who?

- Che what your made of!

What's big and hairy and climbs up the Empire State Building in a dress?
→ Queen Kong.

What is a spiders favourite TV show?
→ The newly web game!

Why was the glow worm unhappy?
→ Because her children weren't that bright!