A ninety-year-old couple decide to get a divorce. They go to the judge and say:
- Judge, we want a divorce.
The judge says:
- You've been married 70 years and now you want to get a divorce? Why did you wait so long?
The couple say in unison:
- Well, we wanted to wait until the kids were dead.
A hillbilly walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for divorce.
- May I help you?
- Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces.
- Well do you have any grounds?
- Yea, I got about a hundred acres.
- No, you don't understand, do you have a case?
- No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere.
- I mean, do you have a grudge?
- Yea, I got a grudge. That's where I park my John Deere.
- No sir, I mean do you have a suit?
- Yes sir, I got a suit, I wear it to church on Sundays.
- Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?
- No sir, we both get up about 4:30 in the morning.
- Well, is she a nagger or anything?!?!?!?
- No she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger. That's why I want this dayvorce.
Define Transvestite:
→ A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
One day a man was sleeping and the neighbor's little girl entered his house, woke him up and said:
- What is that between your legs?
He replied that is:
- my bird.
He went back to sleep.
She came back later and said:
- What's that furry stuff around your bird?
He replied that's:
- my nest.
So he went back to sleep.
She came back later:
- What's those two things under it?
He said those are:
- the eggs.
She said:
- Okay, can I play with your bird, and he said:
- ok.
When he woke up later, he noticed that he was in the hospital. He saw the little girl and asked:
- what happened?
She said:
- When I was playing with your bird he spit in my eye so I chopped off his head, burnt down his nest and busted his eggs!
An avid line dancing couple go to the doctor for a check up because they are having trouble remembering anything but, all the latest line dances. The doctor finds them in excellent health (of course), but suggests that writing things down may help their memories off the dance floor. That night the husband gets up to go the kitchen and the wife asks for a dish of ice cream, suggesting that maybe he write it down. He says:
- I don't need to write it down
She says:
- Well I want Strawberries on it, so maybe you better write it down
- I don't need to write it down - He says and walks off in a huff. Twenty minutes later he comes back with a plate of bacon and eggs.
- I told you to write it down - she says:
- You forgot my toast.
- Boss: I've decided to use humor in the office. Experts say humor eases tension, which is important in times when the work force is being trimmed. Knock knock.
- Employee: Who's there?
- Boss: Not you anymore.
What's a blonde's favorite color?
→ A light shade of clear.
What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes at a four way stop.
What is dumber than the Blonde jokes above?
→ Me for wasting hours editing and typing these damn things.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
→ She threw it off a cliff.
