Most viewed jokes

What's big, heavy, furry, dangerous and has sixteen wheels?
→ A monster on roller-skates.

- Little monster: Mom, I've finished. Can I leave the table?

- Mommy monster: Yes, I'll save it for your supper.

What happened to Frankenstein's stupid son?
→ He had so much wax in his ears that he became a permanent contributor to Madame Tussaud's.

Which is better, an old ten dollar bill or a new one?
→ An old ten dollar bill is better than a new one.

At the Cedar Rapids Chamber of Commerce meeting the treasurer reported a deficit of two hundred dollars.

One of the chamber members stood up and said:

- I vote that we donate half of it to the Red Cross and then give the other fifty dollars to the Salvation Army.

A general calls a colonel:

- Do you have a couple of smart majors?

- Yes I do.

- Send them to me. I need to move my furniture around.

An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.

The CO says:

- Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!

So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank!

The CO was so impressed, he asked:

- How did you do it?

- Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier:

- Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!

Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when a PFC knocked on the door.
Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the PFC to enter, then said into the phone:

- Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir.

Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked:

- What do you want?

- Nothing important, sir - the PFC replied - I'm just here to hook up your telephone.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
→ Through his chest with a sharp knife.