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End of the Week by Gladys Friday

Did you hear about the blonde who after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?

Did you hear about the two Blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theater?
→ They went to see "Closed for Winter".

- My boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful

- Well they do say that love is blind!

What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
→ One in a million become a human being.

How can you tell when an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
→ Footprints in the butter!

A man went to his doctor and said:

- I want to be castrated.

- What? - said the doctor.

- surely you don't want that.

- Yes - said the man.

- that's what I want; I insist.

So, the doctor told him to check into the hospital. When he did he was stripped, laid on a cart, wheeled into the operating room, anaesthetized, and CHWOP! off they came. The next day, he woke up in a double room and, wanting to be socialable, asked the man in the next bed what he was in for.

- Oh, I was circumsized - the man said.

- Son of a bitch! That's the word I was looking for!

A woman married 35 years asked her husband on their anniversary:

- What were you thinking the very first time you saw me?

He replied:

- I wanted to suck those tits dry and fuck your brains out, dear.

She asked:

- And what do you think when you look at me now, darling?

- I think I did a damn good job!

Ms. Nice Guy

- Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you shouldn't have

Also known as: What a gal, precious, one of the boys, my main squeeze, doormat
Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly
Disadvantages: May wise up someday

Old Yeller

- You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can't you see you're making me miserable??

Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell
Advantages: Pays attention to you
Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans

Sickly

- Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite

Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Glumpy
Advantages: Predictable
Disadvantages: Contagious

The Bosser

- Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Don't give me that look.

Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, yes Mom
Advantages: Often right
Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?

Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied

- I just can't decide. Should I switch my career? goals?

Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw c'mon Honey
Advantages: Easily soothed
Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed

Wild Woman out of Control

- Lez get drunk an' make love onna front lawn.

Also known as: Fast girl, freewheeler, goodtime charleena, passed out
Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys
Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs

Huffy

- I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at

Also known as: No fun, humorless prig, Cold fish, Chilly proposition, iceberg, Snarly
Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you
Disadvantages: You will have no friends

Woman from Mars

- I believe this dance will explain how I feel about you

Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic
Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable
Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud

Ms. Dreamgirl

- I am utterly content with you just the way you are

Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous
Advantages: Funny, intelligent uninhibited
Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you

1. He is the only man who has never been compared to the man she could have married.
2. He had no in-laws to drop in.
3. There were no Jones for him to keep up with.
4. There were no credit cards OR shopping centers.
5. He never had his dinner interrupted by window salesmen.
6. He got away with wearing a simple wardrobe.
7. He never had to shovel snow!
8. If he had gone bald, who would have known that wasn't normal.
9. There was no "standard weight and height" tables - and the word FAT meant good.
10. When God asked "Adam, where are you?" He replied, "The woman you gave me was reading the map."