Most viewed jokes

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No." The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."

What lights up a football stadium?
→ A football match!

Which England player keeps up the fuel supply?
→ Paul gas coin!

What did one snake say to another?
→ Hiss off!

What did the naughty rabbit leave for Easter?
→ Deviled eggs!

How many Labour Party members does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ None. They haven't got a policy on that.

What's the difference between a lawnmower and a bagpipe?
→ You can tune the lawnmower, and the owner's neighbors are upset if you borrow the lawnmower and don't return it.

How can you tell the dumbest actress working on a movie?
→ She's the one sleeping with the writer.

Did you hear about the monster with one eye at the back of his head, and one at the front?
→ He was terribly moody because he couldn't see eye to eye with himself.