Most viewed jokes

What do you call counterfeited German currency?
→ Question marks.

Men are like bank accounts.

Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.

Two men were changing in the locker room after a game of tennis. One notices the other one is putting on pair of stockings and suspenders.
He says:

- When did you start wearing them?

To which the other man replies:

- Since my wife found a pair on the back seat of the car.

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, "It really works!"

- Well, Mrs. O'Connor, so you want a divorce? - the solicitor questioned his client.

- Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?

- Oh, no - replied Mrs. O'Connor.

- Shure now, we have a carport.

The solicitor tried again:

- Well, does the man beat you up?

- No, no - said Mrs. O'Connor, looking puzzled.

- Oi'm always first out of bed.

Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again.

- What I'm trying to find out are what grounds you have.

- Bless ye, sor. We live in a flat -- not even a window box, let alone grounds.

- Mrs. O'Connor - the solicitor said in considerable exasperation.

- you need a reason that the court can consider.

- What is the reason for you seeking this divorce?

- Ah, well now - said the lady.

- Shure it's because the man can't hold an intelligent conversation.

At a convention of biological scientists one researcher remarks to another:

- Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?

- Really? - the other replied:

- Why did you switch?

- Well, for four very good reasons. First we found that lawyers are far more plentiful, second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them, third there are some things even a rat won't do, and fourth sometimes it very hard to extrapolate our test results to human beings.

How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?
→ Never enough.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Cork

- Cork who?

- Cork and beans!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Brie

- Brie who?

- Brie me my supper!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Beaver E

- Beaver E who?

- Beaver E quiet and nobody will find us!