When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were no tickets left for sale. Touched by his disappointment, a friendly ticket salesman found him a perch near the American flag. Later, Jose wrote home enthusiastically about his experience. "And the Americans, they are so friendly!" he concluded. "Before the game started, they all stood up and looked at me and sang, .... 'Jose, can you see?'"
Reports are coming in of an elephant doing a ton in the highway.
Police ask motorists to drive carefully and to yield right of way.
Why did the thoughtful father buy his six children a dachshund?
→ He wanted a dog they could all pet at once.
What dogs are best for sending telegrams?
→ Wire haired terriers!!
A local business was looking for office help.
They put a sign in the window, stating the following:
- HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.
A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside.
He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.
Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said:
- I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type.
The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog:
- The sign says you have to be good with a computer.
The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program, that worked flawlessly the first time.
By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said:
- I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job.
The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.
The manager said:
- Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual.
The dog looked at the manager calmly and said:
- Meow.
How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ None - They just have a nursing assistant do it.
- Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing an insect spinning around.
- Don't worry, it's just a bug that's going around!
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
→ A Lickalotopus.
A male market researcher was calling on homes on behalf of Vaseline. A woman answered the door:
- Do you use Vaseline? - asked the researcher.
- Certainly - she said.
- It's very good for cuts, grazes and burns.
- And what about anything else? - he asked.
- Like what?
He became embarrassed.
- Well, sex, maybe.
- Oh, of course - she said.
- I smear it on the bedroom doorknob to keep my husband out.
I am not guilty - Wai Hang Mi
