Most viewed jokes

Why do burgers run the gauntlet?
→ To test their meattle!

A Load of Old Rubbish by Stefan Nonsense

What is a blonde's definition of a naval destroyer?
→ A hula hoop with a nail in it.

Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and 7 on a calulator?
→ She couldn't find the 10 key.

1. You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
2. You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk"
3. You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine"
4. You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
5. You drink pop, not soda.
6. You know what it means to be on pogey.
7. You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the camp, eh!!"
8. You don't hold your hand on your breast when you sing the national anthem.
9. You can drink legally while still a 'teen.
10. You know that francophones, anglophones and allophones are not electronic devices.
11. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
12. You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel to and has good cigars.
13. When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.
14. You're not sure if the leader of our nation has EVER had sex and don't want to know if he has!
15. You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
16. Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
17. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
18. You sit on a couch not a chesterfield - that is some small town in Quebec!
19. You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
20. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
21. You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap".
22. You know that Mounties "don't always look like that"
23. You read rather than scanned this list.

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar:

• Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
• Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
• Hand Job: $10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

- Yes? - she inquires with a knowing smile - can I help you?

- I was wondering - whispers the man - are you the one who gives the hand jobs?

- Yes - she purrs - I am.

The man replies:

- Well wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!

Did you hear about the African missionary that gave some cannibals their first taste of religion?

Soon after the Texas Aggie clocked in for work, the foreman called him over and told him that he had a phone call in the front office. When the Aggie returned, he had a mournful expression on his face and his head hung low. His foreman noticed and asked if he had received bad news.

"Shure was, Boss" he replied, "I just found out that my mother died earlier this morning."

"Gosh, that's awful," replied the foreman. "Do you want the rest of the day off?"

"No," replied the Aggie. "I'll finish the day out."

About an hour later, the foreman returned to inform him that there was another phone call for him up front. This time when the Aggie returned he looked twice as glum and the foreman asked if everything was alright.

"Jezz, Boss this has to be the worst day of my life," Moaned the Aggie. "That was my brother, and his mother died today too!"

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out:

- GREEN SIDE UP!

In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled:

- GREEN SIDE UP!

The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled:

- GREEN SIDE UP!

The lady then asked him:

- Why do you keep yelling green side up?

- I'm sorry - came the reply.

- But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.

One day a mother and father were having sex and their son walked in. The kid asked:

- What are you doing?

Well, you wanted a brother, so we're making you one.

The next day, the father walks outside and sees his son porking away on the family junker's tailpipe.

- Son...what the hell are you doing!!!

And the son replied:

- Mom said she wanted an new car, so I'm making her one!