Most viewed jokes

Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street.

- Oy, Abraham, I'm sorry to hear about that fire at your warehouse.

- Ssh! It's not till next week.

Two Polish guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train. A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they'd never seen before. Each bought one.

The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his friend and said:

- I wouldn't eat that if I were you.

- Why not?

- I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.

- First Witch: I like your toad. He always has such a nice expression on his face.

- Second Witch: It's because he's a hoptimist.

What is the best kind of dog to direct traffic at a busy intersection?
→ A pointer!

How did the dog get into the locked cemetery at night?
→ He used a skeleton key.

- Nurse: Would you like an appointment for next week?

- Patient: No, I'm sick now.

- Patient: I always see spots before my eyes.

- Doctor: Didn't the new glasses help?

- Patient: Sure, now I see the spots much clearer.

The divorce court was attentive as the wealthy Yuppette complained to the Judge that her husband had left her bed and board.

When she had finished, the husband's lawyer rose to his feet and coolly replied:

- Your Honor, I have a slight correction in the typing of the charging documents. My client claims that he left her bed 'bored'.

A blonde is suffering from a sore throat so she goes to see the doctor. She explains the problem to the doctor who asks her to sit down. He gets out his light and says:

- Open wide.

- I can't - replies the blonde, the chair's fitted with arms.

Whats the definition of love, true love, and showing off?
→ Spitting, swallowing and gargling.