Most viewed jokes

What fish do road-menders use?
→ Pneumatic krill!

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food. The concierge tells him he's in luck; there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza. Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza. The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, "What the heck did you put on this pizza?" The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put on the pizza what you ordered, pepper only."

- Patient: The trouble is, doctor, I keep pulling ugly faces.

- Doctor: Don't worry, I don't expect anyone will notice.

How do Italian Chefs swap recipes?
→ By Spaghett-e-mail!

Two women, who are dog owners, are arguing which dog is smarter:

- My dog is so smart. Every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around and then he takes a newspaper and brings it to me.

- I know.

- How?

- My dog told me.

What kind of dog doesn't do well in hot weather?
→ A faint Bernard!

How did the Chihuahua disappear on the road?
→ It was using a hide-'n-go-seekle!

- Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a woodworm

- How boring for you!

Two old men were sat on a bench outside a nursing home having a chat.

- How are you, Richard? - asked George.

- I'm not feeling too good today, I'm utterly exhausted - replied Richard.

- I've pulled a muscle, and it's killing me.

- I'm surprised that a pulled muscle makes you feel so tired - said George.

Richard yawned and said:

- Well, it does if you pull it a hundred times in one night.

A cannibal chief was just about to stew his latest victim for dinner when the man protested:

- You can't eat me? I'm the manager!

- Well - said the cannibal - soon you'll be a manager in chief.