Most viewed jokes

There were three little boys visiting their grandparents. The oldest came out and asked his grandpa:

- Can you make a sound like a frog, Grandpappy?

Grandpa (being in a kind of ill mood) responds:

- No, I don't really want to make the sound of a frog now.

So, the second little boy comes out and asks his grandfather:

- Willyou please make a sound like a frog?

Grandpa again says:

- No, not now. I don't really want to do that. I'm in a grumpy mood. Maybe later.

Then the third little boy comes out and says:

- Grandpa, oh please... Please, please will you make a sound like a frog?

- Why do all of you boys want me to make a sound like a frog? - Grandpa asked.

The little boy replied with a hopeful face:

- Well, Mom said that whenyou croak we get to go to Disney World!

What do you call a gay man's scrotum?
→ Mud flaps!

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing.

The patient replied:

- Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?

The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing.

Patient #1 replied:

- Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb.

The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red. The doctor asks Patient #1:

- If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself

Patient #1 replies:

- What? And work in the dark?

When Fishermen Meet

- Hiyamac

- Lobuddy

- Binearlong?

- Coplours

- Cetchenny?

- Goddafew

- Kindarthay?

- Bassencarp

- Ennysizetoom?

- Couplapowns

- Hittinhard?

- Sordalike

- Wachoosen?

- Gobbawurms

- Fishanonaboddum?

- Rydononaboddum

- Whatchadrinkin?

- Jugajimbeam

- Igoddago

- Tubad

- Seeyaroun

- Yeahtakideezy

- Guluck

Why lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer:

In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand - a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked:

- Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?

She responded:

- Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked:

- Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?

She replied:

- Why yes, I do. I 've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of whom was your wife. Yes, I know him.

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and in a very quiet voice said:

- If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt.

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes.

He goes up to the guy's window and says:

- Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.

The man says:

- Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack.

- Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample.

- I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death.

- Well, then we need a urine sample.

- I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar.

- Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line.

- I can't do that, officer.

- Why not?

- Because I'm too drunk to do that!

Two homosexuals were talking when one of them happened to mention that he had gotten circumcised last week.

- Can I see it? - asked the second gay guy.

So the first guy promptly dropped his pants to show off his operation.

- Oooh, - squealed his friend.

- You look ten years younger!

A blond walks into a bar.
Ouch!

Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
→ Finger on chin I don't know. Hits forehead Oh I get it!

One day, President Bush visited an elementary school. All the kids were so excited to get to meet the President. He began to talk to them and asked them to define the word "tragedy."

"Well," one girl replied, "If my mommy ran over my dog, Rover, that would be a tragedy!"

The President smiled at the little girl and said, "No, sweetie. That would be an accident! Can anyone give it a try?"

A little boy sitting across the room raised his hand and said, "I know! I know! If our bus driver ran off of a cliff and killed everyone!"

The President shook his head and said, "No son. That would be a great loss! Doesn't anyone know of a good example of a tragedy?"

A small girl raised her hand and said, "Well, Mr. President, if you and Laura were in Air Force One and it was hit by a missile and blown to smithereens, most people would think that that was a tragedy!"

"Very good," he said. "And what was your reason for that answer?"

"Well," she said, "It would not be an accident and it sure would not be a great loss!"