Most viewed jokes

Did you hear why they closed the Seattle Kingdom?

While the crowd was doing the wave, two blondes drowned.

Ever hear the expression "hard drinker"? Never made much sense to me, drinking's one of the easiest things in the world to do.

Two ladies are in a bar and the first lady says:

- Why are men the same as parking lots?

So the second lady says:

- I don't know?

So the first lady says:

- All the good ones are taken and the ones that are left are handicap!

How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Hmmm........ I'll just do a few numbers and get back to you

How can you tell a blonde is under stress?
→ She's got her tampax behind one ear and she can't find her pen!

- Knock, knock.

- Who's there?

- Emersom.

- Emersom who?

- Emersom nice boobs ya got there!

My husband and I had just finished tucking our four young ones into bed one evening when we heard sobbing coming from three-year-old Eric's room.

Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically. He had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking could change his mind.

Desperate to calm him, my husband palmed a penny that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to pull it from Eric's ear.

Eric was delighted.

In a flash, he snatched it from my husband's hand, swallowed it and demanded cheerfully:

- Do it again, Dad!

How do you get a man to leave when you want?
→ Ask him about his feelings.

One day God came to Adam to pass on some news. "I've got some good news and some bad news", God said.

Adam looked at God and said, "Well, give me the good news first."

Smiling, God explained, "I've got two new organs for you.

One is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things, and have intelligent conversations with Eve.

The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children."

Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"

God looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "The bad news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate these organs one at a time."

Why do blondes wear their hair up?
→ To catch everything that goes over their heads.