Most viewed jokes

If George Raft's wife gave birth to twin Gorillas, would they be the Apes of Raft?

- And what's your name? - the secretary asked the next new boy.

- Butter.

- I hope your first name's not Roland - smirked the secretary.

- No, ma'am. It's Brendan.

Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard.

- Come have a look over here - says Paddy

- It's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87.

- That's nothing - says Sean

- here's one named Patrick O'Toole. It says here that he was 95 when he died.

Just then, Shamus yells out:

- But here's a fella that died when he was 145 years old!

- What was his name? - asks Paddy.

Shamus lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims:

- Miles, from Dublin.

There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi.
Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled:

- Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!

After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled:

- Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!

And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled:

- Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!

The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport.
The fare was US$300.

The Japanese exclaimed:

- Wah... so expensive!

There upon, the driver yelled back:

- Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!

A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.

- Doctor - says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands.

- Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?

- I don't see why not - replies the doctor.

- That's funny - says the man.

- I wasn't able to play it before.

- First cannibal: I can't find anything to eat!

- Second cannibal: But the jungle's full of people.

- First cannibal: Yes, but they're all very unsavory.

Did you hear about the new blonde hoodlum?
→ She runs around spray-painting her name on chain link fences.

What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
→ All you can eat, under a buck.

How do you plant dope?
→ Bury a blonde.

A young wildlife biologist got fired from his first real wildlife job. Upon his return home, his parents asked him what happened.

- You know what a crew boss is? - he asked.

- The one who stands around and watches everyone else work.

- What's that got to do with it? - they asked.

- Well, he just got jealous of me - the young biologist explained.

- Everyone thought I was the crew boss.