Most viewed jokes

Monster-making as a Hobby by Frank N. Stine

What can save a dying blonde?
→ Hair transplants.

What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
→ They both have black roots.

How did a blind man get poke marks on his face?
→ Learning to eat with a fork.

What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
→ A brick-layer!

Why is politics for the birds?
→ Because politicians always parrot the same old lines!

- Girlfriend: Will you love me when I'm old and fat and ugly?

- Boyfriend: Of course I do!

Where does a vampire take a bath?
→ In the bat-room (bathroom).

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at three in the morning, at which time he is extremely drunk. After leaving the bar, he returns home on foot.

When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs though, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his back. That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke; the broken glass carved up his back terribly. Yet, he was so drunk that he didn't know he was hurt.

A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up terribly. He then repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to bed.

The next morning, his head was hurting, his back was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom.

- Well, you really tied one on last night - she said.

- Where'd you go?

- I worked late - he said, and I stopped off for a couple of beers.

- A couple of beers? That's a laugh - she replied.

- You got plastered last night. Where did you go?

- What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?

- Well - she replied, my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror.

A good samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk.

Wanting to help, he asked the drunk:

- do you live here?

- Yep.

- Would you like me to help you upstairs?

- Yep.

When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked:

- Is this your floor?

- Yep.

Then the good samaritan got to thinking that maybe he didn't want to face the man's irate and tired wife because she may think he was the one who got the man drunk. So, he opened the first door he came to and shoved him through it then went back downstairs. However, when he went back outside, there was another drunk. So he asked that drunk:

- Do you live here?

- Yep.

- Would you like me to help you upstairs?

- Yep.

So he did and put him in the same door with the first drunk. Then went back downstairs.

Where, to his surprise, there was another drunk. So he started over to him. But before he got to him, the drunk staggered over to a policeman and cried:

- Please officer, protect me from this man.

- He's been doing nothing all night long but taking me upstairs and throwing me down the elevator shaft!