Most viewed jokes

When pigs have a party, who jumps out of the cake?
→ Nobody. The pigs all jump in.

Is lunch the favorite subject of piglets?
→ No, it's theatre. They love to ham it up and hog all the attention.

- Grandpa: You youngsters are soft and lazy today. When I was your age I got up at six o'clock every morning and walked five or six miles before breakfast. I used to think nothing of it.

- Fred: I don't blame you, Grandpa. I wouldn't think, much of it myself.

- I think you've had enough, sir.

- I just lost my wife, buddy!

- Well, it must be hard losing a wife....

- It was almost impossible!

Betty was scribbling industriously over some paper with a pencil when her mother asked her what she was drawing.

- I'm not drawing, Mom - she said indignantly:

- I'm writing a letter to Fred.

- But you can't write - Mom pointed out.

- That's all right - said Betty:

- Fred can't read.

- Knock Knock!

- Who's there?

- Alberta!

- Alberta who?

- Alberta'll be over in a minute!

A woman telephoned her local newspaper to let them know that she had just given birth to eighteen children.
The reporter didn't quite hear the message and said:

- Would you repeat that?

- Not if I can help it - replied the woman.

Who writes all his plays on the Internet?
→ Will-e. Shakespeare.

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas.

The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in.

The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.

The third man pulls out a pair of stockings.

Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks:

- How do these represent Christmas?

- They're Carol's.

- Ghost: Are you coming to my party?

- Spook: Where is it?

- Ghost: In the morgue - you know what they say, the morgue the merrier.