A fisherman returned to shore with a giant marlin that was bigger and heavier than he. On the way to the cleaning shed, he ran into a second fisherman who had a stringer with a dozen baby minnows. The second fisherman looked at the marlin, turned to the first fisherman and said, "Only caught one, eh?"
How many Scotsmen does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Scotsmen don't change light bulbs, it's cheaper to sit in the dark
How many Englishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ What do you mean change it? It's a perfectly good bloody bulb! We have had it for a thousand years and it has worked just fine.
Why aren't Hindu and Chinese people allowed to play hockey?
→ Because everytime they go into the corner they open up a convienent store.
Why did the elephant eat the candle?
→ He wanted a light snack!
What is taller when it sits down than when it stands up?
→ A dog.
- Doctor, doctor my sister here keeps thinking she's invisible!
- What sister?
Why did the blonde guy ask his girlfriend to squeeze his left testicle?
→ Because the road sign said 'Squeeze Left.'
- Open wider. - requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient.
- Good God! - he said startled.
- You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen - the biggest cavity I've ever seen.
- OK Doc! - replied the patient.
- I'm scared enough without you saying something like that twice.
- I didn't! - said the dentist.
- That was the echo.
How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf?
→ He became a vegetarian.
