A man was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile. When the foreman asked the man why he kept painting less each day, he replied "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can."
What's the difference between sin and shame?
→ It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.
What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary's ear?
→ He had his first taste of Christianity!
Is there a way to make a hamburger do the Hula?
→ Sure, order a burger and a shake!
My Years in a Lunatic Asylum by I. M. Nutty
A blonde, brunette and a redhead had a breaststroke swimming race across the English Channel. The brunette came in first, the redhead came in second and the blonde never finished.
When the blonde got in the lifeboat she said:
- I don't want to be a tattletale or anything, but the other two used their arms.
This executive was interviewing a nervous young blonde women for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked:
- If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?
The blonde quickly responded:
- The living one.
What do Scottish owls sing?
→ Owld Lang Syne.
What do you get if you cross an eagle with a skunk?
→ A bird that stinks to high heaven.
How do you get a cut-price parrot?
→ Plant bird seed!
