Most viewed jokes

What kind of phone makes music?
→ A saxophone.

- Lady (standing in the middle of a busy street): Officer, can you tell me how to get to the Hospital?

- Officer: Just stand where you are!!!

- Dispatcher: Nine-one-one

- Caller: Hi, is this the police?

- Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance?

- Caller: Well, I don't know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I've never cooked one before.

This hillbilly is traveling across Texas when a state policeman pulls him over.

- You got any I.D.? - the patrolman asked.

- 'Bout what? - the hillbilly replied.

John was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer:

- Is there a problem, Officer?

- No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?

John thought for a minute and said:

- Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license.

Judi, sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman:

- Oh, don't pay attention to him -- he's just a wise guy when he's drunk and stoned.

Brian from the back seat said:

- I told you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said:

- Are we over the border yet?

What's that pig doing in the middle of the road with a red light on its head?
→ Didn't you tell me to put out a stop swine?

During the Vietnam War, a hillbilly soldier shot about a dozen of the enemy during his first battle.

The Sergeant said:

- How'd you learn to shoot like that? Have you ever been in combat before?

- Well suh - drawled the boy - To be honest, this is my first public war.

How many computer journalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Five. One to write a review of all the existing light bulbs so you can decide which one to buy, another one to write a remarkably similar one in another magazine the next month, a third to have a big one come out on glossy paper two months later that is by then completely out of date, a fourth to hint in her column that a completely new and updated bulb is coming out, and the fifth to report a rumor that that new bulb is shipping with a virus.

When is a farmer like a magician?
→ When he turns his cow to pasture.

Where does an Irish person go on a vacation?
→ A new bar