A farmer and his girlfriend were out for a stroll in the fields when they came across a cow and a calf rubbing noses.
- Boy - said the farmer - that sure makes me want to do the same.
- Well, go ahead - said his girlfriend - It's your cow.
Why do Polish names end in "ski"?
→ Because they can't spell tobbagan.
How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
→ A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.
A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes.
- Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve - he said.
Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read:
- Blame your predecessor.
The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press -- and Wall Street -- responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.
About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read:
- Reorganize.
This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.
After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope. The message said:
- Prepare three envelopes.
One Hundred Metres to the Bus Stop, by Willy Makit, illustrated by Betty Wont
How did a blind woman pierce her ear?
→ Answering the stapler.
How did a blind man drive his car?
→ One hand on the wheel; the other on the road.
What kind of bath can you take without water?
→ A sun bath.
My mother says I look just like an animal when I'm in the bath - a little bear.
Two boys were eating a snack lunch in the school yard. One had an apple and the other said, "Watch out for worms won't you!" The first one replied, "Why should I? They can watch out for themselves."
