Most viewed jokes

What you get when four men go fishing and one comes back not catching anything.
→ Three Men And A Baby

Two Irishmen were walking down the street with two salmon each under their arms.

Two other Irishmen walking in the opposite direction see the two lucky fishermen and ask:

- how did you catch those?

Well its like this! Michael here holds my legs over the bridge, and I grab the salmon as they swim up the river. We got four salmon A great days fishing!

So the fishless pair look at each other and agree to give it a try. They get to the bridge and Sean calls to his friend:

- hold my legs now Paddy.

Well he is hanging there upside down for thirty minutes when he suddenly cries..:

- pull me up, pull me up!!

Paddy asks:

- do you have a fish Sean?............

No replies Sean:

- there's a bloody train coming!!!!!!!!

What's the highest position in the Greek Navy?
→ Rear Admiral!

- Doctor, Doctor, I'm a burglar!

- Have you taken anything for it?

A college student was in a philosophy class which had a discussion about God's existence. The professor presented the following logic:

- Has anyone in this class heard God?

Nobody spoke.

- Has anyone in this class touched God? Again, nobody spoke.

- Has anyone in this class seen God? When nobody spoke for the third time, he simply stated:

- Then there is no God.

One student thought for a second, and then asked for permission to reply. Curious to hear this bold student's response, the professor granted it, and the student stood up and asked the following questions of his classmates:

- Has anyone in this class heard our professor's brain? Silence.

- Has anyone in this class touched our professor's brain? Silence.

- Has anyone in this class seen our professor's brain?

When nobody in the class dared to speak, the student concluded:

- Then, according to our professor's logic, it must be true that our professor has no brain!

You can't argue with that!

Cannibals capture three men. The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request. The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible.

His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family. This request is granted, and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes. Now it is the third man's turn. He asks for a fork. The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give him a fork. As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts:

- To hell with your canoes!

Why do ducks have webbed feet?
→ To stamp out forest fires!

What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning?
→ An alarm cluck!

What's got six legs and can fly long distances?
→ Three swallows!

Johnny was racing around the garden on his new bicycle and called out to his mother to watch his tricks.

- Look, Mum! No hands! Look, Mum! No feet! Waaah! Look, Mum! No teeth!