Most viewed jokes

What did the salad say when the cabbage interrupted their meal?
→ Lettuce alone!

Did you hear about the gay Polak?

He slept with women.

Ways You Can Tell Your Pilot is on Drugs

10. All the in-flight meals are missing their dessert squares
11. In between "May I" and "have your attention" there's a 45 minute pause.
12. He's constantly yelling, "Take that, Red Baron!"
13. Shuttle from New York to Boston includes stopover in Colombia
14. His co-pilot: Robert Downey Jr.
15. For the last hour, he's been riding the beverage cart like a rodeo cowboy.
16. Keeps coming on the P.A. to point out clouds that look like his old high school teachers.
17. His wings are pinned to his bare chest
18. When you fly over international date line, he yells, "Dude! We're, like, time traveling!"
19. When he exhales, the oxygen masks drop

What do you call a guy who hangs around?
→ Art!

Yo Momma's so old she got powderd milk in her boobs!

The Top Ten Things Men Know About Women:
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
(ATTENTION... if you don't get it, seek help fast :)

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:

- Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!

As you are probably aware, if voting results in Florida stand as they are now, George W. Bush will be our next president. This will have a catastrophic results in our not so vital (dispensable entertainment industry). Barbara Streisand, Martin Sheen, Susan Sarandon, Whoopie Goldberg, Alec Baldwin - among many others have sworn to leave the country if George Bush is elected president. And this is where you can help. We need volunteers to help pack and load moving vans. We also need airfare for these irreplaceable national treasures so they can relocate before they change their minds. For the cost of a small SUV, you can sponsor one of these celebrities and their unfortunate relocation. You will know that your efforts are helping when you receive postcards, letters, and pictures from your chosen "refugee" as they learn to become useful citizens in the Third World country of their choosing.

You will help, won't you? It costs so little but it means so much. Call 1-800-deport a lib. Operators are standing by. Major credit cards are accepted.

Ninety-four-year-old Mrs. Hatcher showed up at her lawyer's office one Monday morning.

- I want you to begin divorce proceedings - she announced.

The lawyer was aghast. When he regained his composure, he said:

- Mrs. Hatcher, you and your husband have been married for over seventy years. What in the world could have happened to make you want to get divorced at this stage in your life?

Mrs. Hatcher looked him squarely in the eye. She cleared her throat and said:

- We wanted to wait until all the children were dead.

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this she can't stand it any longer! The woman goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against the man and explains why.

The supervisor is puzzled by this and says what's wrong with the co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?

The woman replies:

- He's a midget!