Most viewed jokes

Do buses and trains run on time?
→ Usually, yes.

No, they don't. Buses run on wheels and trains run on the tracks.

- This birthday cake certainly is crunchy.

- Maybe you should spit out the plate!

What did the parrot say when he was using the Internet?
→ P.Cs of eight, P.Cs of eight.

What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon?
→ A bird who knocks before delivering its message!

What's a biologist's definition of a graph?
→ An animal with a long neck

- Mom: Joe, time for your medicine.

- Joe: I'll run the bath then.

- Mom: Why?

- Joe: Because on the bottle it says "to be taken in water."

Marley stopped at the town barbershop for a haircut. After thirty-five minutes of snipping and cutting, the barber held a mirror behind Marley's head.

- How you like it? - asked the barber.

- Real fine - said the redneck.

- But how 'bout making it a little longer in the back?

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey.

The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piano player and says:

- Do you know your monkey stole my beer.

The pianist replies:

- No, but if you hum it, I'll play it.

What do you call an ant who likes to be alone?
→ An independant!

Why did he cross back?
→ So he could charge the client for travel expenses.