Most viewed jokes

Spell Indian tent with two letters.
→ TP.

Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.

The passenger, Bubba, said:

- Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!

- Don't worry, Bubba, - Earl said.

- We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat.

- What fer? - asked Bubba.

- Just let me do the talkin', OK? - said Earl.

Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight & put label on each of their foreheads.

When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said:

- You boys been drinkin'?

- No, sir, - said Earl while pointing at the labels.

- We're on the patch.

One of the bachelors in the apartment development sneaked up behind an older woman, covered her eyes with his hands, and said:

- I'm going to kiss you if you can't tell me who I am in three guesses.

She quickly answered:

- George Washington! Thomas Jefferson! Abraham Lincoln!

What did the great Ape shout to the pilots who tried to shoot him off the skyscraper?
→ Listen, hotshots, don't monkey around with me!

An Irish priest loved to fly fish, it was an obsession of his. So far this year the weather had been so bad that he hadn't had a chance to get his beloved wadders on and his favourite flies out of their box

Strangly though, every Sunday the weather had been good, but of course Sunday is the day he has to go to work.

The weather forcast was good again for the coming Sunday so he called a fellow priest claiming to have lost his voice and be in bed with the flu. He asked him to take over his sermon.

The fly fishing priest drove fifty miles to a river near the coast so that no one would recognise him. An angel up in Heaven was keeping watch and saw what the priest was doing. He told God who agreed that he would do something about it.

With the first cast of his line a huge fish mouth gulped down the fly. For over an hour the priest ran up and down the river bank fighting the fish. At the end when he finally landed the monster size fish it turned out to be a world record Salmon.

Confused the angel asked God:

- Why did you let him catch that huge fish? I thought you were going to teach him a lesson.

God replied:

- I did. Who do you think he's going to tell?

Why was the farmer hopping mad?
→ Because someone had trodden on his corn!

The Doctor was puzzled.

- I'm very sorry but I can't diagnose your trouble, Mahoney. I think it must be drink.

- Don't worry about it Dr. Kelley, I'll come back when you're sober.

- Passenger: Will this bus take me to New York?

- Driver: Which part?

- Passenger: All of me, of course!

- Do you like my new baby sister?

- The stalk bought her.

- Hmm, it looks as if the stalk dropped her on her head.

What did one candle say to the other?
→ "Don't birthdays burn you up?"