Most viewed jokes

- Mum: Why does your little brother jump up and down before taking his medicine?

- Boy: Because he read the label, and it said 'shake well before using.'

A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."

What did the parrot say on Independence Day?
→ Polly wants a firecracker!

Why didn't the chicken skeleton cross the road?
→ Because he didn't have enough guts

Where do birds invest their money?
→ In the stork market!

When is a bicycle not a bicycle?
→ When it turns into a driveway.

Who is bigger - Mrs Bigger or Mrs Bigger's baby?
→ Mrs Bigger's baby, because he's a little Bigger.

Flight fifty has a pretty rough time above the ocean. Suddenly a voice comes over the intercom:

- Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts and assume crash positions. We have lost our engines and we are trying to put this baby as gentle as possible down on the water.

- Oh stewardess! Are there any sharks in the ocean below? - asks a little old lady, terrified.

- Yes, I'm afraid there are some. But not to worry, we have a special gel in the bottle next to your chair designed especially for emergencies like this. Just rub the gel onto your arms and legs.

- And if I do this, the sharks won't eat me any more? - asks the little lady.

- Oh, they will eat you all right, only they won't enjoy it so much.

- Pilot: Tower, there's a runway light burning.

- Tower: I'm sure there must be dozens of lights burning.

- Pilot: Sorry, I mean it's smoking.

- Cessna: Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel.

- Tower: Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight?!?!!

- Cessna: Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is.