Most viewed jokes

Way back in the time of the samurai, there was a powerful emperor.

This emperor needed a new head samurai. So, he sent out a message to everybody he knew for them to send a message to who they knew, and so forth.

A year passes, and only three people show up: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai. The emperor asks the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai.

The Japanese samurai opens up a matchbox, and out pops a little fly.

WHOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces!

The emperor says:

- That is very impressive!

Then the emperor asks the Chinese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Chinese samurai opens up a matchbox and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOSH. WOOOOOOOSH.

The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 pieces!

The emperor says:

- That is really impressive!

Then the emperor asks the Jewish samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai.

The Jewish samurai thinks:

- If it works for the other two...

So the Jewish samurai walks in, opens a matchbox, and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSHHHH!

A gust of wind fills the room, but the fly is still buzzing around.

The emperor says in disappointment:

- Why is the fly not dead?

And the Jewish samurai replies:

- Look closer, that fly has been circumcised!

- Riding a merry-go-round on Sundays is considered a crime.

- Illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.

- You may not fish on a camel's back.

- Residents may not fish from a giraffe's back.

- A person may not be seen in public without a smile on their face.

- A law passed in 1912 provided that "The carrying of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless some are exhibited to public view."

Spell electricity with three letters.
→ NRG (energy).

Why wouldn't the sow let her piglets play with toads?
→ She didn't want them to grow into wart hogs.

Why won't pigs take up jogging?
→ They don't like to get that far from the table.

Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.

- I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive - says the beaming boy to his father.

- Nope - comes dad's reply.

- I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years.

- Knock Knock!

- Who's there?

- Ahmed!

- Ahmed who?

- Ahmed a big mistake coming here!

One woodworm met another.

- How's life? - she asked.

- Oh, same as usual - he replied, boring.

Coleman moved to Wyoming and was sitting in the unemployment office applying for a job:

- Have you any experience in coal mining? - asked the clerk.

- Yeah, in Pennsylvania - he replied.

- They're using that new safety lamp down there now, aren't they?

- Ah don't know, mister - said Coleman.

- I worked on the day shift.

Which operetta make the Gorilla crack up?
→ Nutty Marietta!