Most viewed jokes

Two ladies were hanging out together and one was depressed.

- What's wrong?

The depressed one replied:

- I've been married four times and everyone of my husbands has passed away.

The other lady asked:

- What did they used to do?

The depressed lady replied:

- Well, my first husband was a millionaire, the second was a magician, the third was an evangelist, and the fourth was a mortician.

And the other said:

- Oh, one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.

Where does a burger go on vacation?
→ The Swiss (cheese) Alps or The Cheeseapeake Valley!

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Cyclops Barbie ...one eye, right in the middle of her forehead; Cyclops Ken sold separately

Dewey and Odell met on the Brownsville main street.

- Say - said Dewey - Ah hurd yew and yore wife is goin' ta night school ta take Spanish lessons. How cum?

- Uh huh - answered Odell - We went and adopted us a little Mexican baby, and we wanna be able ta understand him when he gets old enough ta talk!

- This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic.

- If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.

- If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.

- If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.

- That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!

What is the left side of an apple?
→ The part that you don't eat.

One day, Superman was flying across the sky, and he notices Wonderwoman lying asleep, but STARK NAKED on a beach blanket. So.. he decided to go down & get some.

So after he had done the deed, he flew away. Then Wonderwoman got up and said:

- What was THAT?

And the invisible man said:

- I don't know... but my butt sure hurts.

2 psychologists met each other in a street one day.

One said to the other:

- You're good today, how am I?

Why do women have smaller feet than men??
→ So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink!

The dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door... which do you let in first?
→ The dog of course, at least he'll shut up once he's inside!

What do you call a woman with 2 brain cells?
→ Pregnant

What do you call a woman that has lost 95% of her intelligence?
→ Divorced

Johnny and Betsy just got married after having graduated as Aggies and are driving to Austin for their honeymoon. Along the way, Johnny, who's at the wheel, reaches over and places his hand on Betsy's knee.

Betsy smiles and blushes, and says:

- Oh Johnny, we're married now, you can go farther than that!

So they drove to Laredo for their honeymoon instead.