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LIFE UNDER THE SEA

What is life like under the sea? Is it a dogfish eat dogfish world? Is everyone united for a common porpoise? Or do they all split off in their own special groupers? Well, one tragic story indicates it's not so perfect down there.

There was once a brilliant sturgeon on the staff of the community health fishility. He was in fact one of it's flounders. Wiser than salmon, a fin fellow who would never shrimp from his responsibilities, he was successful and happy and always whistled a happy tuna.

One day one of his patients, a mere whipper snapper, started trouting around telling everyone the sturgeon's treatments had made him more eel than he had been and the conked him with a malpractice suit.

Well, the sturgeon was in a real pickeral. The board chased him off the staff and demanded his oyster. But fortunately the case smelt to high heaven so the judge denied the plaintiff's clam. The board tried to hire the sturgeon back but by then he had hit the bottlenose pretty hard. But what's really shad about the story is that the sturgeon ended up on squid-row...

With the hunchback still dead, and his no-armed replacement still dead, the church leader still needs a bell ringer. He posts a sign outside the church and another no-armed man shows up to take the job.

The frustrated church leader says:

- The last no-armed guy died trying to ring this bell, what makes you think you can do it?

The no-armed man says:

- I've been without my arms since birth and therefore have much more experience. Besides, I desperately need the job to feed my family.

The church leader, feeling sorry for the man, says:

- OK give it a try.

And, as expected, the no-armed man tries to pull the rope with his teeth, stumbles and falls to his death.

The church leader rushes down to the sidewalk just as a policeman arrives. The policeman says:

- OK, this is two deaths in two days. Does anybody know who this guy is?

The church leader says:

- I'm sorry, I didn't ask, but he's a dead ringer for the guy who was in here yesterday!

Which flavor ice cream is Dracula's favorite?
→ Vein-illa.

How does a vampire get through life with only one fang?
→ He has to grin and bare it.

- I hope you're not one of those boys who sits and watches the school clock - said the principal to a new boy.

- No, Sir. I've got a digital watch that bleeps at three-fifteen.

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial--a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked:

- Mrs. Jones, do you know me?

She responded:

- Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked:

- Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?

She again replied:

- Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him.

At this point the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace:

- If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail for contempt within 5 minutes!

If King Kong went to Hong Kong to play ping-gong and died, what would they put on his coffin?
→ A lid.

A cat and a mouse died on the same day and went up to Heaven. At the top they met God and he asked them:

- How do you like it so far?

The mouse replied:

- It's great, but can I get a pair of roller skates?

God said:

- Sure, and he gave him a pair of roller skates.

The next day God saw the cat and asked him:

- How do you like it up here so far?

and the cat replied:

- Great, I didn't know you had meals on wheels up here!

A little demon came home from school one day and said to his mother:

- I hate my sister's guts.

- All right - said his mother - I won't put them in your sandwiches again.

What do Blondes say after sex?
→ Thanks guys.
→ Are you boys all in the same band?
→ Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?