Religion — most commented jokes

God created man before creating woman, because you need a rough draft before you create a masterpiece.

Man says to God:

- God, why did you make woman so beautiful? - God says:

- So you would love her.

- But God, - the man says - why did you make her so dumb?

- So she would love you. - God replies.

A priest and nun are on their way back home from a convention when their car breaks down. They are unable to get repairs completed and it appears that they will have to spend the night in a motel.

The only motel in this town has only one room available so they have a minor problem.

- Priest: Sister, I don't think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I'll sleep on the couch and you take the bed.

- Sister: I think that would be okay.

They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room. Ten minutes later...

- Sister: Father, I'm terribly cold.

- Priest: Okay, I'll get up and get you a blanket from the closet.

Ten minutes later...

- Sister: Father, I'm still terribly cold.

- Priest: Okay Sister, I'll get up and get you another blanket.

Ten minutes later...

- Sister: Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wife just for this one night.

- Priest: You're probably right...get up and get your own damn blanket!

Do you know why the tribes of Israel wandered in the desert for 40 years?
→ Because even then, men couldn't stop to ask directions.

Why did God create man?
→ Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

What did God say after he created man?
→ - I can do better than this and he made woman.

But the disruptions created in Adam's internals when God removed his rib were so great that it caused Adam's brain to sink down into his testicles.

And so one of Eve's first assignments was to explain to Adam the difference between his black and navy blue socks.

Why do so few men end up in heaven?
→ They never stop to ask for directions.

The men who do make it to Heaven are going to have a rude awakening up there when they find out two things: God is a woman...and she nailed down all of Heaven's toilet seats!

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly.

Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk.

The lawyer said:

- I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?

St. Peter replied:

- Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!

One day, God went to find Adam and Eve in the garden, but found that Adam was sitting by himself.

- Where's Eve? - He asked.

- Well, - said Adam - She started to bleed. This happens every month or so.

- So where is she? - asked God.

- Well, she went down to the river to wash up. - replied Adam.

- Darn, - said God - Now I'll never get the smell out of the fish!