Random joke from this category
Pfizer Corp (NYSE PFE) is making the announcement today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola Bottling Group (NYSE PBG) as a power beverage, suitable for use as-is, or a mixer, under the name "Mount and Do."
Pepsi's proposed ad campaign suggests: "It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one."
- Doctor Doctor i feel like a bridge!
- What's come over you?
- 2 buses, 3 motorbikes and a train.
- Doctor Doctor - I feel like a pack of cards!
- I'll deal with you later.
- Doctor Doctor - I feel like a needle!
- I see your point.
- Doctor Doctor - I feel like a pair of curtains!
- Pull yourself togerther man!
- Doctor Doctor - I have 59 seconds to live!
- Wait a minute will ya!
John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted.
Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.
Just then a man came in coughing and he ask John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob's warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once.
The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.
Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired.
"He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once" John explained.
"Ex-Lax won't cure a cough!" Bob shouted angrily.
"Sure it will" John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post.
"Just look at him. He's afraid to cough!"
Which part of a vegetable can you not eat?
→ The Wheelchair!
- Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a dog.
- Doctor: Sit on the couch and we will talk about it.
- But I'm not allowed up on the couch!
- Doctor, Doctor You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!
- Doc: Do you drink a lot?
- Not really - I spill most of it!
- Doctor, Doctor Have you got something for a bad headache?
- Doc: Of course. Just take this hammer and smash yourself in the head.
- Then you'll have a bad headache.
- Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm God!
- Doc: When did this start?
- Well first I created the sun, then the earth, then the...
- Doctor, Doctor I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee!
- Doc: Have you ever tried it by taking the spoon out FIRST?
- Doctor, Doctor will this ointment clear up my spots?
- Doc: I never make rash promises!
- Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a frog!
- Doc: So what's wrong with that?
- I think I'm going to croak!
Things you don't want to hear during surgery:
The top 10 signs your dentist is crazy:
A doctor and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house. After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and calls home. She comes to the phone after many rings and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?" Shouts the doctor.
"Getting a second opinion!"
A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home. He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.
The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
"The funeral director," said his wife.
