Animal Jokes — most commented jokes

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
→ Because chickens hadn't evolved yet

Why did the turtle cross the road?
→ To get to the shell station

Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
→ Because it was stuck to the chicken!

Why did the horse cross the road?
→ Because the chicken needed a day off

Why did the cow cross the road?
→ To get to the udder side!

Why did the chicken end up in the soup?
→ Because it ran out of cluck!

What happened when the chicken ate cement?
→ She laid a sidewalk!

What did the chicken do when he saw a bucket of fried chicken?
→ She kicked the bucket!

What do you call a crazy chicken?
→ A cuckoo cluck!

What happened to the chicken whose feathers were all pointing the wrong way?
→ She was tickled to death!

Why was the centipede late?
→ Because he was playing "This little Piggy" with his baby brother!

What do you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot?
→ A walkie talkie!

What is worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
→ A centipede with chilblains!

What has 50 legs but cant walk?
→ Half a centipede!

What do you call a guard with 100 legs?
→ A sentrypede!

What do you get if you cross a centipede and a chicken?
→ Enough drumsticks to feed an army!

What did one centipede say to the other centipede?
→ You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely pair of legs ....!

Why was the centipede dropped from the insect football team?
→ He took too long to put his boots on!

What is worse than an alligator with toothache?
→ A centipede with athlete's foot!

What goes 99-clonk, 99-clonk, 99-clonk?
→ A centipede with a wooden leg!

What does a caterpillar do on New Years Day?
→ Turns over a new leaf!

What is the definition of a caterpillar?
→ A worm in a fur coat!

What has stripes and pulls a tractor?
→ A caterpillar tractor!

What does a cat go to sleep on?
→ A caterpillow!

What's green and dangerous?
→ A caterpillar with a machine gun!

What pillar doesn't need holding up?
→ A caterpillar!

What does a lion brush his mane with?
→ A catacomb!

What noise does a cat make going down the highway?
→ Miaooooooooooooooooooow!

What do you get if cross a cat with a canary?
→ Shredded tweet!

Why do tomcats fight?
→ Because they like raising a stink!

Why is a crazy marmalade cat like a biscuit?
→ They are both ginger nuts!

What is white, sugary, has whiskers and floats on the sea?
→ A catameringue!

On what should you mount a statue of your cat?
→ A caterpillar!

What do you get if cross a Tomcat with a Pekingese?
→ A Peking Tom!

What is the most breathless thing on television?
→ The Pink Panter Show!

What do you get if you cross a leopard with a watchdog?
→ A terrified postman!

When is a lion not a lion?
→ When he turns into his cage!

What do cat actors say on stage?
→ Tabby or not tabby!

What did the cat say when he lost all his money?
→ I'm paw!

What do you call a lioin who has eaten your mother's sister?
→ An aunt-eater!

What do tigers wear in bed?
→ Stripey pyjamas!

Why did the cat put the letter "M" into the fridge?
→ Because it turns "ice" into "mice"!

How is a cat laying down like a coin?
→ Because he has his head on one side and his tail on the other!

Why are cars longer in the evening than they are in the morning?
→ Because they're let out in the evening and taking in in the morning!

What cat purrs more than any other?
→ Purrsians!

How do you spell mousetrap in just three letters?
→ C-A-T!

Why happened when the cat swallowed a coin?
→ There was some money in the kitty!

What does a cat call a bowl of mice?
→ A purrfect meal!

Why did the cat sleep under the car?
→ Because she wanted to wake up oily!

What did the cat do when he swallowed some cheese?
→ He waited by the mouse hole with baited breath!

What is another way to describe a cat?
→ A heat seeking missile!

What do you call a cat that has just eaten a whole duck?
→ A duck filled fatty puss!

What kind of cat should you take into the desert?
→ A first aid kitty!

Why do cats chase birds?
→ For a lark!

What do cats read in the morning?
→ Mewspapers!

What works in a circus, walks a tightrope and has claws?
→ An acrocat!

What do you call a cat wearing shoes?
→ Puss in boots!

Why did the cat frown when she passed the hen house?
→ Because she heard fowl language!

There were four cats in a boat, one jumped out. How many were left?
→ None. They were all copy cats!

What's the unluckiest kind of cat to have?
→ A catastrophe!

Who was the most powerful cat in China?
→ Chairman Miaow!

What do you get if you cross a cat with a tree?
→ A cat-a-logue!

What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim?
→ An octopuss!

Why did the cat join the Red Cross?
→ Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit!

When the cat's away.....?
→ The house smells better!

Why was the cat so small?
→ Because it only ate condensed milk!

Why did the cat cross the road?
→ It was the chicken's day off!

What happened when the lion ate the comedian?
→ He felt funny!

What's striped and bouncy?
→ A tiger on a pogo stick!

What is the cat's favorite TV show?
→ The evening mews!

How can you get a set of teeth put in for free?
→ Smack a lion!

What's worse than raining cats and dogs?
→ Hailing taxi cabs!

How is cat food sold?
→ Usually purr can!

What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head?
→ A tiger moth!

What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?
→ 'Let us prey.'

What looks like half a cat?
→ The other half!

What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater?
→ 'Claws.'

If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, What's a tiger?
→ A stri-ped!

What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep?
→ A stripey sweater!

How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?
→ 'Pleased to eat you.'!

What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman?
→ Frostbite!

What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt?
→ 'Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.'

What is lion's favorite food?
→ Baked beings!