Most commented jokes

Finally, a definition of Marketing that makes sense....

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:

- I'm fantastic in bed.

That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says:

- He's fantastic in bed.

That's Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say:

- Hi, I'm fantastic in bed.

That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say:

- By the way, I'm fantastic in bed.

That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:

- I hear you're fantastic in bed.

That's Brand Recognition.

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet.

One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.

Inside the closet, the little boy says:

- It's dark in here, isn't it?

- Yes it is - the man replies.

- You wanna buy a baseball? - the little boy asks.

- No thanks - the man replies.

- I think you do want to buy a baseball - the little extortionist continues.

- OK. How much? - the man replies after considering the position he was in.

- Twenty-five dollars - the little boy replies.

- TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! - the man repeats.

- That's awful expensive - but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.

The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy.

- It's dark in here, isn't it? - the boy starts off.

- Yes it is - replies the man.

- Wanna buy a baseball glove? - the little boy asks.

- OK. How much? - the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his dis-advantage.

- Fifty dollars - the boy replies and the transaction is completed.

The next weekend, the little boy's father says:

- Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch.

- I can't. I sold them - replies the little boy.

- How much did you get for them? - asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.

- Seventy-five dollars - the little boy says.

- SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness - the father explains as he hauls the child away.

At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says:

- It's dark in here, isn't it?

- Don't you start that crap in here - the priest says.

An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man who has never been with a woman sexually. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad. She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian Outback, and after a long-distance courtship, they decide to get married.

On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner.

- What happened? - she asks.

- I've never been with a woman - he says. But if it's anything like screwing a kangaroo I'm gonna need all the room I can get!

After the annual office Christmas party blow-out, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.

After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

- Louise - he moaned - Tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?

- Even worse - she assured him in her most scornful tone. You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the chairman of the company to his face.

- He's an arrogant, self-important prick, piss on him!

- You did. All over his suit - Louise informed him. And he fired you.

- Well, screw him - said John.

- I did - said Louise. You're back at work on Monday.

By the time Dave pulled into the small town every hotel room was taken. He finally pulled up to the very last hotel and went into the office:

- You've got to have a room somewhere - he pleaded.

- Or just a bed - I don't care where.

- Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - admitted the manager, and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you.

- No problem - the tired travelers assured him.

- I'll take it.

The next morning Dave came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy tailed.

- How'd you sleep? - asked the manager.

- Never better.

The manager was impressed.

- No problem with the other guy snoring, then?

- Nope, I shut him up in no time - said Dave.

- How'd you manage that? - asked the manager.

- He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room - Dave explained.

- I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me.

Why did the nurse go to art school?
→ To learn how to draw blood!

A nerd was walking on campus one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle. The first nerd was stunned and asked:

- Where did you get such a nice bike?

The second nerd replied:

- Well, yesterday I was walking home minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said:

- Take what you want!

The second nerd nodded approvingly and said:

- Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit.

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom.

A few minutes after that, another loud scream echo's through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate what the drunk is screaming about. The bartender yells:

- What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring my customers!

The drunk responds:

- I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls.

The bartender opens the door and looks in:

- You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!

Man discovered weapons, invented hunting.
Woman discovered hunting, invented furs.
Man discovered colors, invented painting.
Woman discovered painting, invented make-up.
Man discovered speech, invented conversation.
Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip.

- Zoo visitor: What's the new baby hippo's name?

- Hippopotamus keeper: I don't know, he won't tell me.