Most commented jokes

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice:

- Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road.
Once again the voice shouted:

- Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die.

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

- Where are you? - the man asked.

- Who are you?

- I am your guardian angel - the voice answered.

- Oh yeah? - the man asked...

- And where were you when I got married?

A man called the undertaker one afternoon and sobbed:

- Come and bury my wife.

- But I buried your wife ten years ago - replied the undertaker.

- I got married again - the man sobbed.

- Oh - said the undertaker.

- Congratulations.

Larry's barn burned down, and Susan, his wife, called the insurance company ...

- Susan: We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money.

- Agent: Whoa there just a minute, Susan; it doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of the old barn and provide you with a new one of comparable worth.

- Susan, after a pause: I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband.

A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says:

- Hey Tommy, wanna play house?

He says:

- Sure! What do you want me to do?

The girl replies:

- I want you to communicate your thoughts.

- Communicate my thoughts? - said a bewildered Tommy.

- I have no idea what that means.

The little girl smirks and says:

- Perfect. You can be the husband.

In the midst of a veritable downpour, a gallant driver saw a woman alone in the mud trying to change a flat tire, and couldn't bear passing her by. He completed the job for her, and, soaked to the skin, exclaimed jovially, "There, little lady, that's done!" "Quiet," she ordered him. "You'll wake up my husband. He's taking a nap in the back seat."

As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts.

After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from.

- America - the husband replied.

Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded.

- She's not from the States.

- Yes I am. - said the wife. He looked at her and asked:

- Is he your husband?

- Yes. - she replied.

Turning to the husband, he offered.....

- I'll give you 100 camels for her.

The husband looked stunned, and there was a long silence. Finally he replied:

- she's not for sale.

After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked her husband what took him so long to answer, to which the husband replied:

- I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home.

Personally I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and Father, I can say anything I want to around the house.

Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.

What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
→ They're married.

What's the best way to get a man to remember your anniversary?
→ Get married on his birthday.

What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
→ Shoot him again.

How are husbands like lawn mowers?
→ They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the time they don't work.