An old man is sitting on the park bench crying. Another old man sits down next to him and says:
- Mister, what's the problem?
The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains:
- I've got this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do is make love from the moment I walk in the door till the moment we go to sleep and then when we wake up again.
- So, what the hell is the problem?
- Mister, you don't understand... I forgot where I live!
Two senior couples are walking along, wives in front, husbands in back. Herb says to Sam:
- Gee, we went to a new restaurant last night and had the best meal ever. Good prices too.
Sam says:
- Well, we like to eat out too. What was the name of the restaurant?
Herb says:
- You'll going to have to help me out here a little. What's the name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, grows on a thorny bush?
Sam says:
- How about rose?
- Yes, yes, that's it! - cries Herb, then calls ahead to his wife.
- Rose. Hey, Rose. What was the name of the restaurant we ate at last night?
A couple, age 67, went to the doctor's office. The doctor asked:
- What can I do for you?
The man said:
- Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said:
- There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.
And he then charged them $32.00.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse, pay the doctor and leave.
Finally the doctor asked:
- Just what exactly are you trying to find out?
The old man said:
- We're not trying to find out anything. She is married and we can't go to her house. I am married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $60.00 and the Hilton charges $75.00. We do it here for $32.00, and I get back $28.00 from Medicare for a visit to the doctor's office.
Three old ladies are walking down the street. They are hard of hearing.
- One: Whew, it's windy today!
- Two: No. Today's Thursday!
- Three: So am I! Let's go to a bar!
A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye.
She inquired of the artist standing nearby:
- What on earth, is that?
He smiled condescendingly.
- That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child.
- Well, then - snapped the little old lady.
- why isn't it?
A little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl:
- If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat.
The girl gets up and gives up her the seat to the old lady. It is hot. The girl then takes out a fan and starts fanning herself. The woman looks up and says:
- If you knew what I have, you would give me that fan.
The girl gives her the fan, too.
Fifteen minutes later the woman gets up and says to the bus driver:
- Stop, I want to get off here.
The bus driver tells her he has to drop her at the next corner, not in the middle of the block. With her hand across her chest, she tells the driver:
- If you knew what I have, you would let me off the bus right here.
The bus driver pulls over and opens the door to let her out. As she's walking out of the bus, he asks:
- Madam, what is it you have?
The old woman looks at him and nonchalantly replies:
- Chutzpah.
There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table that morning when the old gentleman said to his wife:
- Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years.
- Yeah - she replied.
- Fifty years ago this very day, we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.
- Hmmm - the old man said.
- We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago this morning.
- Well - Granny snickered.
- What do you say...should we?
Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
- You know, honey - the little old lady breathlessly replied.
- My nipples are as hot for you now as they were fifty years ago.
- I wouldn't be surprised - replied Gramps.
- One's in your coffee and the other one's in you oatmeal!
An old man and old woman got married and went on their honeymoon. They were in bed getting ready to have sex for the first time and the old woman said I should tell you I have acute angina. The old man says I hope so, you sure don't have cute tits.
An elderly couple walk into a doctor's office. The man tells the doctor:
- Doctor, we want to have a baby.
The doctor replies:
- At your age I don't think it's possible, but I'll give you a jar, come back in a few days with a sperm sample.
So the couple comes back a few days later.
They give the doctor an empty jar. The doctor says:
- I was afraid of this.
The old man says:
- No, it's not what you think. I tried it with my left hand. I tried it with my right hand. She tried it with her left hand. She tried it with her right hand. She tried it with her teeth in. She tried it with her teeth out. But we couldn't get the lid off the jar.
An elderly couple in a senior's home used to visit the recreation room everyday. While there, the old lady would sit quite contently holding the old guys's penis. One day she goes down to the rec. room and is mortified to find her man with another women holding his penis. "What's she got that I don't have" she says. He looks up with a large smile on his face and replies "Parkinson's"
