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A straight guy and a gay are in the men's room and the straight guy has his shirt unbuttoned exposing a heavy coat of chest hair. The gay asked how he came to have so much hair on his chest. He said:

- I put Vaseline on it every night.

That night the gay put Vaseline on his chest and went to bed. His partner George said:

- What in the hell is that?

- It's to grow hair. - he replied.

- Bull shit! - said George.

- If Vaseline grew hair...

I'd have tail a mile long!

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These two men were cellmates at state penitentiary for nine years. One day Larry said to Joe, "You know man its been a long time since we had some sex so you oughta let me fuck you." Joe replied. "Are you crazy?!!" Larry went on to say, "I promise you that it won't hurt and we'll flip a coin and see who fucks, who first. So, Joe thought about it for a minute and finally agreed. They flipped a coin and Larry won. Still having strong reservation Joe asked, "How will you tell if it hurts or not?" Larry told Joe, "If it hurts you start making animal noises, and I'll stop. But if it feels good start singing." Larry started the insertion and Joe screamed, Moooooooo. Moooooo. Mooooon River......

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Two gay male lovers were talking and Bob says to Jon, "I wish I had chest hair like you" So the next day Bob goes to the doctor and asks for something to grow chest hair. The doctor gives him something and he says "It will work in about two months." Two months later Bob has no hair on his chest and back to the doctor he goes. The Doctor says, 'Rub some Vaseline on your chest, and in a week you will be growing hair.' Jon comes home that day seeing Bob rub Vaseline and asks "Why?" Bob says "to grow chest hair" Jon says "if Vaseline grows hair you would have a ponytail comin' out your ass!"

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An old retired man goes to his wife one day, and says to her:

- I don't know how to tell you this dear, but the stock market crashed, and I'm afraid we're broke.

The wife says:

- No, we're not. Let's go for a drive into town.

Husband replies:

- Our savings are all gone and you want is to go for a drive? Oh well, whatever. I guess you're crazier than me.

So off they go into town.

When they get there the wife points and says:

- See that office building? We own that.

Husband thinks his wife is nuts so he mumbles something unintelligible and drives to the next area of the city, which just happens to be the richest part of town.

Wife says again pointing:

- See those five houses? We own those.

Husband is now sure his wife is certifiably crazy so he says:

- What makes you think we own all this property?

Wife replies:

- Remember when we first got married and for jokes you would give me $5.00 every time we had sex? Well, I kept the money and invested it and 20 years later this is what has become of it all. Not bad, eh?

Husband says:

- Dammit woman, if I'd known you were this good with money I'd have probably given you all my business.

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An elderly couple, living apart, had been dating for several years. One day Elmer said to Betsy:

- We should stop this nonsense. We are paying two rents, two car insurance payments, buying separate food and cooking separate meals. We should just move in together.

- Betsy: Whose house would we live in?

- Elmer: Mine, it is already paid for.

- Betsy: Whose car would we keep and pay insurance on?

- Elmer: Yours, it is newer and runs better than mine.

- Betsy: Who would do the cooking?

- Elmer: You cook and I'll do the dishes.

- Betsy: What about sex?

- Elmer: Infrequently.

- Betsy: Is that one word or two?

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