Most commented jokes

Jesus has just been nailed to the cross and has begun to suffer from the wounds, A crowd has gathered to watch and sympathize with Him. As Jesus looks out over the gathering he calls to one of his apostle's.

- Paul... Paul - He calls out.

Paul hears his name and comes to the front of the gathering.

- Yes Jesus, how may I serve you - he exclaims.

Just then a guard comes up to Paul, cuts Paul's right arm off with his sword, and throws him back into the crowd, saying:

- No one is allowed to speak with the prisoner!

Jesus once again calls his name.

- Paul . . . Paul - he calls.

Paul, determined goes to the front of the gathering again. There he meets the same gaurd who this time cuts off the left arm, and both legs and throws him back into the crowd.

Jesus yells out once again:

- Paul,... Paul.

Paul, who is now lying on his back on the ground attempts to roll to the front of the gathering. The guard seeing this determination and devotion finally weakens and decides to let Paul speak to Jesus. He goes over to Paul, picks him up and brings him to the front of the crowd. Paul, with tears in his eyes looks up to his savior and speaks:

- Yes Jesus, I am here. What is it I can do for you?

Jesus looks over the horizon and then to Paul and states:

- Oh nothing. I just wanted to tell you that I could see your house from here!

In a small Southern town there was a nativity scene that indicated great skill and talent in its creation. One small feature bothered me though. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You darn Yankees never do read the Bible!" I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a particular passage. Sticking it in my face she said, "See, it says right here, 'The three wise men came from afar.'"

A man finally goes with his wife to church. The man was so impressed with the preacher's sermon he stopped on the way out to shake his hand.

- Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a DAMNED fine sermon.

The preacher says:

- Why thank you sir, but we don't used profanity in the house of the Lord.

The man says:

- But preacher, that was the best DAMNED sermon I ever heard.

The preacher says again:

- sir I must be blunt, DO NOT use curse words in the Lords house again.

The man says:

- Well I was so impressed with your sermon that I placed $1000 dollars in the collection plate.

The preacher says:

- NO SHIT?

The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern.

- Paddy - he said.

- I'm afraid I'll not be seeing you in Heaven one day.

- Really, Father? - slurred Paddy.

- What have you done?

What did God say after creating man?
→ "I can do better"

On the steps of this church two pan handlers were doing their daily business. One wore a large cross on his chest and the other - a star of David. Of course, most of the church goers generously gave to the cross wearer and the other was overlooked.

Finally the Pastor approached the Jew and suggested that if he take off the star of David maybe he'd get some more hand outs.

- Get this guy, Chaim - laughs the pan handler and turns to his cross wearing pal:

- He's trying to teach us how to do business!

A few years ago, when the Catholic church reform began to be much in the news, Mrs. Moskowitz said to Mrs. Finkelstein:

- Tell me, Becky, have you heard by chance what's going on in Rome?

- No - said Mrs Finkelstein.

- I haven't. What's going on in Rome?

- A meeting of high Catholic churchmen has, among other things, decided that the Jews are not responsible for the crucifixion of Jesus.

Mrs Finkelstein raised her eyebrows:

- Indeed? And who is responsible, then?

- I'm not sure - said Mrs. Moskowitz.

- I think they suspect the Puerto Ricans.

Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the weekly collection they kept for themselves. The first priest explained that he drew a circle on the ground, stepped a few paces back and pitched the money towards the circle. What landed in the circle he kept and what landed outside the circle god kept.

The second priest claimed that his method was almost the same, except that what landed outside the circle went to the priest and the money that landed inside the circle god kept.

The rabbi said:

- I've got you both beat. I throw the money into the air and what god wants, god takes.

The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting with her young charges and she asked them what they wanted to be when they grew up.

A twelve-year-old said:

- I want to be a prostitute.

The Mother Superior fainted dead away on the spot. When they revived her, she raised her head from the ground and gasped:

- What did you say?

The young girl shrugged:

- I said I want to be a prostitute.

- A prostitute! - the Mother Superior said.

- Oh, praise sweet Jesus! And I thought you said you wanted to be a Protestant.

When this guy heard that the Pope was coming to town, he went out and bought a tuxedo in the hope that the Pope might notice him on the parade route. When he went to the parade, there was this bum standing next to him, with old, dirty clothes on. To the guy's amazement, when the Pope came, he went over to the bum, and whispered something in his ear. Enraged, the guy went over to the bum and offered him $100 for the clothes off his back. Next day, he went back to the parade dressed like a bum.

Sure enough, when the Pope came, he stopped in front of this guy, and whispered in his ear:

- I thought I told you to get the hell out of here!