Most commented jokes

Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state of agitation.

- Father! - she cried.

- just WAIT until you hear this!

The priest led the sister to a chair, and said:

- Now just calm down and tell me what has you so excited?

- Well, father - the nun began.

- I was just walking down the hall to the chapel and I heard some of the older boys wagering money!

- A serious infraction, indeed! - said the priest.

- But that's not what has me so excited, father - replied the nun.

- it was WHAT they were wagering ON! They had wagered on a contest to see who could urinate the highest on the wall!!

- What an incredible wager! - exclaimed the priest.

- What did you do?

"Well, I hit the CEILING, father."

"How much did you win?"

A married man goes to confessional and he tells the priest:

- I had an affair with a woman... almost. The priest says:

- what do you mean almost? The man says:

- Well, we got undressed and rubbed together but then I stopped. The priest replies:

- Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to go near that woman again, now say five Hail Marys and put $50 in the poor box.

The man leaves confessional, goes over and says his prayers, then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and then starts to leave. The priest, who was watching him, quickly runs over to him and says:

- I saw that, you didn't put any money in the poor box! The man replied:

- Well Father, I rubbed up against it and you said it was the same as putting it in!

There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the Pope. It was stormy outside, and the plane was being rocked by some severe turbulence. So this kindly old lady looked upon Death's door, and said to her papal neighbour:

- Father, surely you can do something about this...

To which the Pope replied:

- Sorry lady, I'm in sales, not management.

"And the halftime score here at the Colleusium is Lions 7, Christians Nothing. We'll be right back after these messages..."

A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car.

So they did. They drove it home and parked it in the street between their establishments.

A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need a wash, so he ran out and asked the priest what he was doing.

- I'm blessing it - the priest replied.

The rabbi replied:

- Oh, - then he ran back into the synagogue.

He reappeared a few minutes later with a hack saw, ran to the car and cut off the last 2 inches of the tailpipe.

A fellow dies, goes to hell, and is surprised when confronted by a room full of beautiful blondes and kegs of beer. He asks a nearby demon if this is really hell, and what was so bad about the place.

- Well, - said the demon.

- the kegs all have holes in the bottoms, and the blondes don't!

A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident.

The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter asked the lawyer his name and looked it up in his book. He then asked the Pope for his name, and looked it up in his book also. - Now, if you will come with me, I will show you your eternal dwellings, - said St. Peter. They walked along the clouds and came to a huge mansion with all sorts of lavish trappings. St. Peter turned to the lawyer and told him this was to be his house. The Pope, knowing how important he was to the church could hardly imagine what his house would be like. St. Peter and the Pope continued on to a small, beat-up wooden shack. St. Peter told the Pope that this would be his dwelling. The Pope, shocked, said to St. Peter:

- Just a minute! That other guy was a lawyer and he gets a mansion. I was the head of the Roman Catholic church, and this is all the reward I get? St. Peter looked at the Pope and said:

- True, you have done great things. But we have lots of Popes in Heaven, and that guy was the first lawyer ever to make it up here.

Did you hear about that guy who was asked to be a Jehovah's witness?
→ He refused because he hadn't seen the accident.

What is white and streaks across the sky?
→ The coming of the Lord.

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked:

- Say, Father, what causes arthritis?

"My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man."

- Well, I'll be damned, - the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized:

- I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?

"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."