Most commented jokes

Q&A's about Salami Bin Coward & the Talibuttheads:

Why does Salami Bin Coward carry a Turd in his pocket?
→ It's his photo ID.

What do Salami Bin Coward and Hiroshima have in common?
→ Nothing - "yet".

How do you play Talibutthead bingo?
→ B-52... F-16... B-1...

What is the Talibuttheads national bird?
→ Duck.

How is Salami Bin Coward like Fred Flintstone?
→ Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.

What does Salami Bin Coward and General Custer have in common?
→ They both want to know where those Tomahawks are coming from!

What's the difference between the Talibuttheads and a bucket of crap?
→ The bucket.

What's the five day forecast for Afghanistan?
→ Two days.

Why don't Salami Bin Coward's people eat turd sandwiches?
→ They hate bread.

Why don't the Talibuttheads have drivers ed and sex ed classes on the same day?
→ The camels can't handle it.

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.

The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.

After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied:

- Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?

JOKESGALORE NEWS FLASH
10 - 29 - 2001:
Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 terrorists has been operating in one of the neighborhoods in Cleveland, Ohio.

Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 have been detained.

Police Officials have detained the following terrorists on civil unrest issues:

1. Bin Sleepin
2. Bin Drinkin
3. Bin Fightin

The Police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, anywhere in the neighborhood.

Police are very confident that anyone who looks like Bin Workin will be very easy to spot in the community. No further information available.

END OF NEWS FLASH

Sung to the tune of "Day-O" (The Banana Boat Song)

Day-O...oh Day-O,
Air force come and they flatten your home
Run Mr Taliban, we know where you're hiding,
Air force come and they flatten your home
Hey USA, USA, USA...

Air force come and they flatten you home
60ft, 70ft, 80ft craters,
Air force come and they flatten your home
Old Uncle Sam's pissed, he ain't no quitter,
Air force come and they flatten your home
When we finish you all be crying,
Air force come and they flatten your home,
Pilot is brother of New York fireman
Air force come and they flatten your home

Late Nite Jokes heard on T.V.

- There is now a $5 million dollar bounty on Osama bin Laden. Which marks the first time in history there has ever been a bounty on a guy's head who wears Bounty on his head. (Jay Leno)

- We are starting to learn more about Osama bin Laden. For his birthday one year, somebody gave him a $4 Timex. We know that. He is married to the daughter of a guy named Mullah Muhammed Omar. I think her name is Tiffany Omar. Insiders say that the marriage is not working out. Apparently they are living in separate caves. (David Letterman)

- It looks like now the military action is taking effect. They think that bin Laden's organization is starting to break down. Today satellite photos actually show the sand fleas are leaving his beard. (David Letterman)

- There are now rumors that the Taliban has been poisoning the food we have been dropping. We should make a deal with the people of Afghanistan. We'll taste your food, you check our mail. (Jay Leno)

- People are wondering what will happen to Afghanistan when we're finished fighting there. I'm sure there are plans to rebuild the country, and a lot of times with rebuilding comes a name change. These are some possible name changes the government has been mulling over: Halfghanistan, Pothole-istan, Jenniferanistan, Assbackwardstan, Bye-bye-Talibanstan, Ass-Kicked-istan. (Jay Leno)

- Everybody is talking about finding bin Laden. How about finding Dick Cheney? Where did he go? What have we got caves over here now, too? Where did he go? I think his Secret Service code name is 'Waldo.' (Jay Leno)

- We are getting more and more insight into the life of Osama bin Laden. Today the Saudi Arabian ambassador to the United States said that bin Laden had an unhappy childhood growing up, 52 brothers and sisters. You think his childhood was unhappy, wait 'til we deliver his mid-life crisis. (Jay Leno)

- There are reports on the news tonight that members of the Taliban feel persecuted and fear their own safety. So now they know what it is like to feel like a woman in their country. (Jay Leno)

Lets face it, there are a lot of dumb people out there. Sometimes you want to express how stupid they really are and here's how...

- An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.

- As smart as bait.

- Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.

- Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.

- Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.

- Forgot to pay his brain bill.

- His belt doesn't go through all the loops.

- If he had another brain, it would be lonely.

- Missing a few buttons on his remote control.

- Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.

- Receiver is off the hook.

- Surfing in Nebraska.

- An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

- A few beers short of a six-pack.

- A few peas short of a casserole.

- The cheese slid off his cracker.

- Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.

- Couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

- He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.

- Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Rarely do we receive a chain letter I feel compelled to pass on, but under the circumstances....

President Bush has asked that we unite for a common cause.

Since the Taliban cannot stand nudity, and consider it a sin to see a naked woman that is not their wife, tomorrow night at 7:00 all peace-loving women between the ages of 21 & 35 are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.

All men should position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they think it's ok to see other women nude. (A cold six-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Taliban sentiment.)

And to do my part, I'm buying stickers for all women who participate.

Stop by my house so I can put the sticker on you to show you helped!

Names and addresses of non-participants should be sent to CIA Headquarters, Langley, Virginia.

The United States and Canada appreciate your efforts and applaud you!

A 87 year-old man went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.

A couple of days later, when the old man had an appointment with the doctor again, the doctor said:

- You're really doing great, aren't you?

The man replied:

- Just doing what you said doctor, 'Get a hot mama and be cheerful.'

The doctor said:

- I didn't say that!...

- I said you have got a heart murmur. Be careful!

What's the best thing about growing old?
→ You get to hide your own Easter eggs.

An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution.

- You need to be careful about trying these techniques at home.

- Why? - asked somebody from the audience.

- I watched my wife's routine at dinner for years - the expert explained.

- She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time.

- One day I told her, 'Honey, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'

- Did it save time? - the guy in the audience asked.

- Actually, yes - replied the expert.

- It used to take her 30 minutes to make dinner.

- Now I do it in ten...

PRESS RELEASE: Prime Minister of Canada to Visit Washington
Statement by the Press Secretary
President Bush and Prime Minister John Chretien of Canada met on Sept. 24th with the Canadian Leader strongly supporting the war on terrorism. Prime Minister Chretien issued the following statement:
CANADIANS WILL HELP AMERICA WITH THE WAR ON TERRORISM!

WE HAVE PLEDGED:

- 2 BATTLE SHIPS

- 600 GROUND TROOPS

- 6 FIGHTER JETS

AFTER THE AMERICAN EXCHANGE RATE, THEY WILL END UP WITH:

- 2 CANOES

- 6 MOUNTIES

- AND A BUNCH OF FLYING SQUIRRELS