Random joke from this category
A man and a woman were in 2 different cars. The man was going up the mountainside. The woman was going down the mountainside. Then the woman yells out - "Pig!". The man then yells back - "Hoe!" They both continue on, until the man smashes his car into a pig!
How do you make 5 lbs. of fat attractive?
→ Put a nipple on it.
A man has a car wreck and they have to amputate his brain.
So the nurse takes him to the brain transplant wearhouse.
On one side of the shelves are lined with brains marked $500.00 each. On the other side the shelves are lined with brains marked $200.00 each.
The brainless man asks why the price differece.
The nurse points to the $200.00 brains and explains that these are female brains, so they've been used.
The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
If a man talking dirty to a woman is sexual harassment, what do you call a woman talking dirty to a man?
→ $3.99 a minute!
Why do they name cyclones after women?
→ Because they start off as little blow jobs and end up taking the whole house!
What's the difference between a womens track team and a tribe of pigmee's?
→ The pigmee's are a bunch of cunning runts.
Guy goes to the pharmacy at his wife's request to buy her some tampons. About an hour later he comes home with a bag of cotton balls.
Staring at him in disbelief she asks, "What the HELL...?!?! I asked for TAMPONS, not friggin COTTONBALLS!!"
He says, "Remember when I asked you to pick me up a pack of cigarettes and you came home with a tin of tobacco and told me to roll my own because the cigs were too expensive.....?"
Over drinks one evening two gentleman were having a discussion about the charms, or lack there-of of the super model Stephanie Seymour.
"I say she's highly over-rated," said one. "Take away her eyes, her lips, her legs and that figure, and what have ya got?"
"My wife," said the other with a heavy sigh!
A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her.
She jumped up and slapped him silly.
He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."
"Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable asshole!" she screamed.
"That's funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her too!"
