Women Jokes — best jokes

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Biker Barbie ...complete with leathers and tattoos

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Manic-Depressive Barbie ...with a set of Oriental throwing knives

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Shock Therapy Barbie ...car battery and wires included

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

FrankenBarbie ...comes with bolts through her neck

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Broken Bungee Barbie ...

Barbie doll lying broken on the pavement

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Divorce Barbie ...includes the house, the car, and half of Ken's belongings

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately.

When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers.
When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy.

"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.

"Actually, no," he replied.

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender, clearly in trouble.
"Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room."

Two ladies are in a bar and the first lady says, "Why are men the same as parking lots?"

So the second lady says "I don't know?"

So the first lady says, "All the good ones are taken and the ones that are left are handicap!"

How do you get a paper baby?
→ Marry an old bag.

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing.
He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her.
She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room.

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here," she cried, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"