Random joke from this category
A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. On previous visits she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands.
She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives!
She approached one of the women for an explanation: "What enabled women here to achieve this marvellous reversal of roles?"
"Land mines," replied the Kuwaiti woman.
The Taliban's Fall TV Line-up
MONDAYS:
TUESDAYS:
WEDNESDAYS:
THURSDAYS:
FRIDAYS:
After getting nailed by a Daisy Cutter, Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington.
"How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" Washington, slapping Osama in the face.
Patrick Henry comes up from behind. "You wanted to end the Americans' liberty, so they gave you death!" Henry punches Osama on the nose.
James Madison comes up next, and says "This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense!" He drops a large weight on Osama's knee.
Osama is subject to similar beatings from James Monroe, and 65 other people who have the same love for liberty and America. As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back toward the gate where he is to be judged.
As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he screams - "this is not what I was promised!"
An angel replies "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you...
What the hell did you think I said?"
What to do if you fall into a conversation with someone about the terrorist attacks who doesn't believe in retaliation:
Q&A's about Salami Bin Coward & the Talibuttheads:
Why does Salami Bin Coward carry a Turd in his pocket?
→ It's his photo ID.
What do Salami Bin Coward and Hiroshima have in common?
→ Nothing - "yet".
How do you play Talibutthead bingo?
→ B-52... F-16... B-1...
What is the Talibuttheads national bird?
→ Duck.
How is Salami Bin Coward like Fred Flintstone?
→ Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.
What does Salami Bin Coward and General Custer have in common?
→ They both want to know where those Tomahawks are coming from!
What's the difference between the Talibuttheads and a bucket of crap?
→ The bucket.
What's the five day forecast for Afghanistan?
→ Two days.
Why don't Salami Bin Coward's people eat turd sandwiches?
→ They hate bread.
Why don't the Talibuttheads have drivers ed and sex ed classes on the same day?
→ The camels can't handle it.
JOKESGALORE NEWS FLASH
10 - 29 - 2001:
Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 terrorists has been operating in one of the neighborhoods in Cleveland, Ohio.
Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 have been detained.
Police Officials have detained the following terrorists on civil unrest issues:
The Police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, anywhere in the neighborhood.
Police are very confident that anyone who looks like Bin Workin will be very easy to spot in the community. No further information available.
END OF NEWS FLASH
Sung to the tune of "Day-O" (The Banana Boat Song)
Day-O...oh Day-O,
Air force come and they flatten your home
Run Mr Taliban, we know where you're hiding,
Air force come and they flatten your home
Hey USA, USA, USA...
Air force come and they flatten you home
60ft, 70ft, 80ft craters,
Air force come and they flatten your home
Old Uncle Sam's pissed, he ain't no quitter,
Air force come and they flatten your home
When we finish you all be crying,
Air force come and they flatten your home,
Pilot is brother of New York fireman
Air force come and they flatten your home
Late Nite Jokes heard on T.V.
"There is now a $5 million dollar bounty on Osama bin Laden. Which marks the first time in history there has ever been a bounty on a guy's head who wears Bounty on his head." (Jay Leno)
"We are starting to learn more about Osama bin Laden. For his birthday one year, somebody gave him a $4 Timex. We know that. He is married to the daughter of a guy named Mullah Muhammed Omar. I think her name is Tiffany Omar. Insiders say that the marriage is not working out. Apparently they are living in separate caves." (David Letterman)
"It looks like now the military action is taking effect. They think that bin Laden's organization is starting to break down. Today satellite photos actually show the sand fleas are leaving his beard." (David Letterman)
"There are now rumors that the Taliban has been poisoning the food we have been dropping. We should make a deal with the people of Afghanistan. We'll taste your food, you check our mail." (Jay Leno)
"People are wondering what will happen to Afghanistan when we're finished fighting there. I'm sure there are plans to rebuild the country, and a lot of times with rebuilding comes a name change. These are some possible name changes the government has been mulling over: Halfghanistan, Pothole-istan, Jenniferanistan, Assbackwardstan, Bye-bye-Talibanstan, Ass-Kicked-istan." (Jay Leno)
"Everybody is talking about finding bin Laden. How about finding Dick Cheney? Where did he go? What have we got caves over here now, too? Where did he go? I think his Secret Service code name is 'Waldo.'" (Jay Leno)
"We are getting more and more insight into the life of Osama bin Laden. Today the Saudi Arabian ambassador to the United States said that bin Laden had an unhappy childhood growing up, 52 brothers and sisters. You think his childhood was unhappy, wait 'til we deliver his mid-life crisis." (Jay Leno)
"There are reports on the news tonight that members of the Taliban feel persecuted and fear their own safety. So now they know what it is like to feel like a woman in their country." (Jay Leno)
Rarely do we receive a chain letter I feel compelled to pass on, but under the circumstances....
President Bush has asked that we unite for a common cause.
Since the Taliban cannot stand nudity, and consider it a sin to see a naked woman that is not their wife, tomorrow night at 7:00 all peace-loving women between the ages of 21 & 35 are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.
All men should position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they think it's ok to see other women nude. (A cold six-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Taliban sentiment.)
And to do my part, I'm buying stickers for all women who participate.
Stop by my house so I can put the sticker on you to show you helped!
Names and addresses of non-participants should be sent to CIA Headquarters, Langley, Virginia.
The United States and Canada appreciate your efforts and applaud you!
PRESS RELEASE: Prime Minister of Canada to Visit Washington
Statement by the Press Secretary
President Bush and Prime Minister John Chretien of Canada met on Sept. 24th with the Canadian Leader strongly supporting the war on terrorism. Prime Minister Chretien issued the following statement:
CANADIANS WILL HELP AMERICA WITH THE WAR ON TERRORISM!
WE HAVE PLEDGED:
AFTER THE AMERICAN EXCHANGE RATE, THEY WILL END UP WITH:
