War — best jokes

Know how to solve the Serbian/Bosnian problem in less than 48 hours?
→ Put Janet Reno in charge.

Why is a violinist like a Scud missile?
→ Both are offensive and inaccurate.

What goes eek, eek, bang?
→ A mouse in a minefield!

What would you get if you crossed a monster with a redcoat?
→ A bigger target.

Did you hear about the monster who lost all his hair in the war?
→ He lost it in a hair raid.

What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common?
→ Nothing, yet.

A patrol of allied soldiers were in a ruined city during World War Two. They are bragging and joshing about how many kills they have so far to keep up courage on their route through the rubbled buildings.

Sergeant Joe thumps his chest and proclaims. "I got me 4 germans bagged so far. Howabout you John?"

Before Pfc John can reply, a lone german soldier runs out of a trashed hotel. In the process of throwing down his rifle after seeing the larger allied soldier group, he shouts "NEIN!"

Pfc John takes aim at the enemy and shoots him.

"Well, he wont get himself a tenth allied soldier." Joe all year long!

- What do you think about the coming battle, General?

- God knows it will be lost.

- Then why should we go for it?

- To find out who is the loser.

During the Mexican American War, an intense long standoff occurred along the front. For days and days neither side made any advances.

Finally, an American general had a bright idea. He aimed his rifle to the Mexican trenches and yelled, "Hey, Juan!"

A soldier jumped up and replied, "What?" The general shot him dead.
This continued for three days.

A Mexican general decided that two could play this game and decided to try it out. He called out, "Hey, John!"

An American replied, "John isn't here. Is that you Juan?"

The Mexican general stood up, "Yeah" . . .

There were three American pilots captured by Germans in WWII. The Germans thought up a way to make the pilots crack and tell what they knew. They made them stand at attention, turn their heads from side to side and say, "Tick - Tock" over and over.

After about three hours, the first pilot cracked and started telling all he knew, signing everything they put in front of him.

An hour later, the second pilot cracked and started confessing to things that he didn't even do.

The third pilot was fighting hard not to crack. He was about half-way cracked. He was turning his head to one side only and saying, "Tick... Tick... Tick..."

The German officer in charge went up to him and said, "You thinks you iss so schmart! But I'm telling you dot vee haf vays to make you TOCK!"