Travel Jokes — best jokes

An American tourist in Moscow found himself needing to get rid of a large supply of garbage from his recent stay at an apartment. After a long search, he just couldn't find any place to discard of it. So, he just went down one of the side streets to dump it there.

Yet, he was stopped by a Moscow police officer, who said, "Hey you, what are you doing?"

"I have to throw this away," replied the tourist.

"You can't throw it away here. Look, follow me," the policeman offered.

The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges. "Here," said the cop, "dump all the garbage you want."

The American shrugs, opens up the large bags of garbage, and dumps them right on the flowers.

"Thanks for giving me a place to dump this stuff. This is very nice of you. Is this Russian courtesy?" asked the tourist.

"No. This is the American Embassy."

A Texan, while visiting Toronto, found himself in the back seat of a taxi cab on the way to his hotel. Passing by the Royal York the Texan asked the cab driver, "What's that building there?" "That's the Royal York Hotel," replied the cabbie. "The Royal York? How long did it take to build that?" asked the Texan.
"About 12 years," replied the cabbie.

"12 years? We build 'em twice as high, twice as wide and four times as long down in Texas, and we do that in six months."

A while later the cab driver makes his way past the Metro-Toronto Convention Centre. "What's that building over there?" asked the Texan.
"That's the Metro-Toronto Convention Centre," replied the cabbie.
"Convention Centre? How long'd it take to build that?" asked the Texan.
"About three years," replied the cabbie. "Three years? We build 'em twice as high, three times as long and four times as wide as that down in Texas, and it only takes us about two weeks."

Shortly thereafter the cabbie drives past the CN Tower. "What's that building there?" asks the Texan, pointing at the tower. "Danged if I know," replied the cabbie, "It wasn't here when I drove by yesterday."

A woman just back from Arizona was telling her friends about the trip.
"When my husband first saw the Grand Canyon, his face dropped a mile," she said.
"Why, was he disappointed with the view?"
"No, he fell over the edge."

What is the best kind of dog to ask for directions?
→ A Chihuahua, because it knows all the shortcuts!

What is brown and gray, has eight legs, and is carrying a large trunk and a small trunk?
→ A Chihuahua on vacation with an elephant.

Why didn't the dog play cards on his ocean cruise?
→ Because the captain stood on the deck.

What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
→ A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.

Why is a blonde like Australia?
→ They're both down under, and no one cares.

Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around and come home?
→ It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a television.

An American tourist went into a restaurant in a Spanish provincial city for dinner, and asked to be served the specialty of the house. When the dish arrived, he asked what kind of meat it contained.

"Senor, these are the cojones," the waiter replied.

"The what, you say?" exclaimed the tourist.

"They are the testicles of the bull killed in the ring today," explained the waiter.

The tourist gulped but tasted the dish anyway, and found it delicious.
Returning the following evening, he asked for the same dish. After he finished the meal, the tourist commented to the waiter: "Today's cojones are much saltier and smaller than the ones I had yesterday."

"True, senor," agreed the waiter. "You see the bull, he does not always lose."