Stats/Math Jokes — best jokes

- Dinosaur #1: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

- Dinosaur #2: What is an economist?

- Dinosaur #1: A flunkie mathematician who tries to predict the population of kangaroos in Australia. But that's not important and don't ask what a Kangaroo is.

- Dinosaur #2: I don't know, how many?

- Dinosaur #1: 10 economists and one grad student. One economist to make a model, one to run the regression, one to test the hypothesis, one to interpret the results, one to conclude how to screw it on, one grad student to screw it on, and five economists trying to fight off the dinosaurs trying to eat them.

A woman hears from her doctor that she has only half a year to live.

The doctor advises her to marry an economist and to live in South Dakota.

The woman asks: will this cure my illness?

The doctor replies: No, but the half year will seem pretty long.

Two policemen are considering the problem of catching the bandit. One of them starts to calculate the optimal mixed strategy for the chase. The other policeman protests. 'While we're doodling,' he points out, 'he is making his getaway.' 'Relax,' says the game-theorist policeman. 'He's got to figure it out too, don't he?'

Two government economists were returning home from a field meeting. As with all government travelers, they were assigned the cheapest seats on the plane so they each were occupying the center seat on opposite sides of the aisle.

They continued their discussion of the knotty problem that had been the subject of their meeting through takeoff and meal service until finally one of the passengers in an aisle seat offered to trade places so they could talk and he could sleep.

After switching seats, one economist remarked to the other that it was the first time an economic discussion ever kept anyone awake.

Bill and Boris are taking a break from a long summit. Boris says to Bill, "Bill, you know, I have a big problem. I don't know what to do about it. I have a hundred bodyguards and one of them is a traitor. I don't know which one."

"Not a big deal Boris, I'm stuck with a hundred economists I have to listen to all the time before any policy decision, and only one tells the truth but it's never the same one."

Economics is ruining your life when...

• I tried to calculate my 3 year old son's discount rate by seeing how many sweets he would require to be promised to him after dinner to be equivalent to one sweet before dinner
• I spent one hour in a toy shop making up over 20 bundles of toys that could be purchased for $25 and then asked my son to select one of these bundles

Top economist Valentine's Day cards:

4. You raise my interest rate thirty basis points without a corresponding dropoff in consumer enthusiasm.
5. Let's raise housing starts together.
6. You stoke the animal spirits of my market.
7. Despite your decade of inflation, I still love you.

A party of economists was climbing in the Alps. After several hours they became hopelessly lost. One of them studied the map for some time, turning it up and down, sighting on distant landmarks, consulting his compass, and finally the sun. Finally he said, 'OK see that big mountain over there?' 'Yes', answered the others eagerly. 'Well, according to the map, we're standing on top of it.'

If you do some acrobatics with a little mathematics it will take you far along. If your idea's not defensible don't make it comprehensible or folks will find you out, and your work will draw attention if you only fail to mention what the whole thing is about. Your must talk of GNP and of elasticity of rates of substitution and undeterminate solution and oligonopopsony.

The following is supposedly a true story.

An economist was about to give a presentation in Washington, DC on the problems with Black-Scholes model of option pricing and was expecting no more than a dozen of government officials attending.

To his amazement, when he arrived, the room was packed with edgy, tough-looking guys in shades. Still, after five or so minutes into the presentation all of them stood up and left without a word.

The economist found out only later that his secretary ran the presentation through a spell-checker and what was "The Problem with Black-Scholes" became "The Problem with Black Schools".