Situations — best jokes

What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
→ Carry loaded weapons.

How do you deal with heavy traffic?
→ Heavy psychedelics.

What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
→ The color.

What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
→ I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
→ Be too drunk to find your keys.

When driving through fog, what should you use?
→ Your car.

Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
→ The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."

Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
→ What for? He can't see my license plate.

While driving along the back roads of a small town, two truckers came to an overpass with a sign that read "CLEARANCE 11'3."

They got out and measured their rig, which was 12'4."

"What do you think?" one asked the other.

The driver looked around carefully, then shifted into first. "Not a cop in sight. Let's take a chance!"

It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: "Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing."

Twenty minutes later there was another announcement:

"Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class."