Situations — best jokes

What do you get if you cross a toilet with a pop singer?
→ Loo-Loo!

What do you call an Igloo without a toilet?
→ An Ig!

What do you call a man who cleans out toilets?
→ Lou!

Why is the Liberty Bell like a dropped Easter egg?
→ Because they're both cracked!

- Sharon: I'm so homesick.

- Sheila: But this is your home!

- Sharon: I know and I'm sick of it.

The garbage men were just about to leave the street when a girl came running out of the house carrying some cardboard boxes.
'Am I too late for the garbage?' she called.
'No,' replied one of the men, 'jump right in!'

Seems a guy was driving for hours thu desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran out in front of him and splat... he flattened the cat.
Out of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and drove back to the farmhouse to notify the occupants. When the housewife came to the door, said he, "Pardon me, madame, but I just ran over a cat in front of your house, and assumed that it must belong to you. I know this might be hard to hear, but I wanted to let you know instead of just driving off...."

"Not so fast", says she. "How do you know it was our cat? Could you describe him? What does he look like?"

The man promptly flopped down on the ground, and said "He looks like thts" as he gave his best shot at a dead cat impression.

"Oh no, you horrible man", she replied. "I meant, what did he look like before you hit him?"

At that, the man got up, covered his eyes with both hands and screamed "Agggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!"

How many circus performers does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ Four: One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go!
→ Four. One to change the bulb and three to sing, Ta da!

Did you hear about the man who jumped in the Hudson River?
→ He committed sewercide.

After a visit to the circus, Geoff and Don were discussing the thrills and marvels they had seen. "I didn't think much of the knife thrower, did you?" said Geoff. "I thought he was great!" enthused Don. "Well, I didn't," said Geoff. "He kept throwing those knives at that soppy girl but he didn't hit her once."