Situations — best jokes

What do you do if you come across an elephant in the jungle?
→ Wipe it off and say you're sorry.

If god had wanted us to run around naked, we would have been born that way.

What did the blind man say when he was handed a cheese grater?
→ "Thats the most violent book I've ever read."

Did you hear that Betty Crocker passed away.

The funeral is set at 4:50 for ten to fifteen minutes.

With all the recent talk of cloning, you'd think it was a new thing.

But in fact, a very wealthy westerner had himself cloned many years ago. The boy grew up to have very foul mouth. The more the son swore, the madder the father got. One day, the father got so mad he pushed his son off a high cliff. The sheriff arrested him for making an obscene clone fall.

How can you identify an blind pirate?
→ He's the one with patches over both eyes.

Did you hear about that guy who was tap dancing?
→ He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.

What sits at the bottom of the ocean and shakes?
→ A nervous wreck.

A lady was in a hardware store looking at a fishing poles. She asked the store manager how much it was he said, 'I am blind drop it on the ground and i'll tell ya.' She dropped it on the ground.

'Aahh that's 10.00.' She bent down and let a big fart that everyone heard. But, she really wanted the pole so she picked it up. And went to pay for it.

'That will be 20.00'

'But you said 10.00'

'10.00 extra for the stink bait and duck call.'

Why are E.T.s eyes so big?
→ Because he saw the phone bill.