School — best jokes

- Teacher: What's the longest word in the English language?

- Pupil: Smiles - because there is a mile between the first and last letters

- Teacher: Fred can you find me Australia on the map please?

- Pupil: There it is

- Teacher: Now, Louise, who discovered Australia?

- Pupil: Fred did!

- Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of

- Pupil: Life imprisonment!

- Teacher: In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia?

- Pupil: Holding up the telegraph lines!

- Teacher: What is can't short for?

- Pupil: Cannot miss

- Teacher: and what is don't short for

- Pupil: Doughnut

- Teacher: Does anyone know which month has 28 days?

- Pupil: All of them!

- Teacher: Can anyone give me the name of a liquid that won't freeze?

- Pupil: Hot water!

- Teacher: Why can't you ever answer any of my questions?

- Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn't be much point in me being here

- Teacher: This is the third time I've had to tell you off this week, what have you got to say about that?

- Pupil: Thank heavens it's Friday!

- Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year?

- Pupil: 12 - 2nd January, 2nd February...!