School — best jokes

Buckwheat & Darla were in school, and the teacher asks Darla "How do you spell 'dumb'?"

Darla says "d-u-m-b, dumb". The teacher says, "very good, now use it in a sentence." She says "Buckwheat is dumb". Now spell "stupid". Darla says "s-t-u-p-i-d, stupid". The teacher says, "very good, now use it in a sentence." Darla says "Buckwheat is stupid."

Then the teacher calls on Buckwheat and says "Buckwheat, spell dictate."

Buckwheat stands and says "d-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate". The teacher says, "very good, now use it in a sentence."

"I may be dumb, and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good!"

A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception. She brought in a variety of lifesavers and said, "Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these."

The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher gave them honey-flavored lifesavers, all of the kids were stumped.

"I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It's something your mommy probably calls your daddy all the time."

Instantly, one of the kids coughed his onto the floor and shouted, "Spit 'em out, they're assholes!"

Why did the boy take a ladder to school?
→ It was a high school.

There are three girls in the Fifth Grade. There is a blonde a brunette and a redhead.

Which one is the probably the smartest?
→ If you guessed the blonde you were correct.... she's 19 years old!

- Teacher: Jeff, have you been copying Johnny's test again?

- Jeff: Yes, but how did you know?

- Teacher: On question #1, Johnny put down "I don't know". And you put down "Me neither".

Why God Doesn't Have a PhD:

1. He has only one major publication.
2. It was in Hebrew.
3. It had no references.
4. It wasn't published in a referred journal.
5. Some even doubt he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been very limited.
8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He never applied to the ethics board for permission to use human subjects.
10. When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his test.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop.
17. He's been known to associate with prostitutes.

A Geography teacher stands in front of a map of the world.

- Geography Teacher: Tony, can you tell me where in the world America is placed on this map?

Tony shows him America.

- Geography Teacher: Now, Lisa, can you tell me the name of the guy who discovered America?

- Lisa: Tony did!!

Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love,
Your $on.

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,
Dad

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"

A woman realizes her son has not yet gotten out of bed for school.

She goes into his bedroom and tells him to get up or he will miss breakfast.

"No," the son replies. "I don't wanna go to school!"

"You HAVE to go to school," the mother scolds.

"No! The kids are mean to me, the teachers don't like me, and the lunches are icky."

"You WILL go to school, young man," the mother warns.

"Why? Why do I have to go to school today?" the son asks.

The mother is about to lose her patience.

"Because you're the principal, now get out of bed!"